avoidance and patience!

avoidance and patience!

I've had a very quiet morning. I could have had a blog-entry written by 9.30 but have spent the morning in a kind of avoidance of doing anything much. Funny how that happens sometimes-there's loads and loads of interesting (not to mention the humdrum) things to be getting on with and yet I sat and read a little, pondered a little, drank coffee a lot....... I did actually manage to visit the bank, which had to be done and it took all of 25 minutes total there and back.

I do have a laundry in the machine and I have made up a remedy mix which is to be collected.......is this the new me? Am I "Avoiding" or am I just "Being"? After all, nothing NEEDS done today. I have a Reiki client this afternoon, which is great but apart from that I don't have anything to do which can't wait.

I do have courses to prepare and I have emails to send. I have dusting which I could do and the upstairs loo could really use a clean but, hey.......it's a beautiful day outside and I'm seriously thinking of just going for a wee walk! Actually, rethinking that, I should have gone already 'cause it's nearly lunchtime and the kids will be home. Not that they're not self-sufficient-I just like to see them!

I've been doing a lot of "breaking with my norm'" recently and it's very liberating. Just simple things like having soup for breakfast, 'cause it needed used, rather than sticking to the peanut butter toast routine and puting the soup down the sink because "you don't eat soup for breakfast do you??"

It doesn't seem like much and neither does sitting quietly in a waiting room for 45 mins, except that it would normally have driven me batchy! Twice in the one day, I found myself sitting around waiting and I thank the cosmos and Dr Bach for Impatiens, which allowed me to sit and reflect on the fact that I must be meant to be sitting contemplating my thoughts during both waits. Previously I would have been getting myself wound-up about all the things I could have been doing rather than wasting my time waiting around for someone.

Slowing down, sitting quietly is wonderful. It used to be difficult because of my guilt complex about not doing anything and people may think me lazy! As a young mum I felt that I had to make sure that everyone thought I had it all under control and that everything was still being done in the same manner as pre-parenthood. How stressed I found myself when 2 minutes after tidying all the toys away, the kids were in the boxes pulling them all out again-EEK!!!

We've been watching home video footage of the kids when they were very small and I am so aware of how blessed we were as a family to have the sense to allow our house to be a complete and utter mess!

Picking our way between toys was the way it should be and that's the way we had it for the most part. However I did have to have counselling and anti-depressants on more than one occassion to help me to adapt to my new parental life! I remember the feeling of a time-bomb ticking away in my head, fearing that one day I would explode completely and do something to harm one of the kids. This feeling came from my need to appear perfect and patient. I didn't have impatiens in those days and I fought my desire to be impatient all the time till it was like a powder-keg inside me. Then all it took was a tiny little nuisance and I'd go "BOOM"!! I can't undo the fear that must have been experienced by my kids when those explosions happened-they must have had no comprehension that the little thing which they did which triggered the unleashed "monster-mum" was insignificant and okay for them to have done. They had no understanding that mum had just went into overload and had to malfunction.

I've chatted with them at length about emotions and the tantrums I used to have and they have experiences other parents having similar breakdowns. My hope is that they will, from using the flower remedies and from being aware of the non-need to be perfect in the eyes of others, be able to aviod the parental-tantrums that are commonplace in our society.

I will at some point get round to running some workshops for young parents, to inform them of the benefits of impatiens in their lives.

For now, I'll just be glad of its presence in my life and will sign off for this week with no plans for filling my day with anything.

My hubbie has just awoken and I'll go give him a hug-just because I want to!

Have a peaceful and happy week, everyone,


No comments (Add your own)

Add a New Comment


Comment Guidelines: No HTML is allowed. Off-topic or inappropriate comments will be edited or deleted. Thanks.