Happily into week 5 and still being curious, if a little irritated.
This blurb was actually written yesterday so I am not actually sitting in the car-I am planted firmly on the couch :-)
Well, I have made it to week 5 (although because I repeated week 2, I am on week 4 of the programme)
I know it's been a few days since I posted anything but that's not a reflection on how positive I am still feeling about it.
I seem to spend a fair amount of time sitting around in the car. Just now I am waiting to pick up my best pal. I had a big grin on my face and sang lots of lovely tunes on the way to pick her up. Another sign of my increasing happiness?
I did a consultation today, with a treasured client whom I hadn't "chatted" with yet, this year. I am so proud of all that she has accomplished in the time I have known her. She may be dissatisfied with her work-achievements (wrongly so) but I think that she finally feels that it's her personal/spiritual ones that she should be concerned with anyway. Building on her personal happiness will bring her more of it and I will be cheering her along as she builds.
Isn't it funny (but VERY normal) how we can find ourselves slipping back into old habits during times of stress. There is a comfort in these habits even if we know that they are not good for us. If only we could consistently trust that everything is as it should be and that we are exactly as we are instead of wishing things/we were different. I watched my intolerance, during one of my meditations and it really did pass. It was uncomfortable and I really did want to get up and running with a full blown story to justify being bugged but I didn't. And the feeling did pass. When we attach a story to an emotion or feel bad for having it at all, we will be left with that story or that feeling bad about it long after the emotion itself has passed on.
Let me give you an example:
If I have a big "explosion" at my kids, I have 2 options.
1. I accept that I have been very angry and lost it, apologise and move on.
2. I beat myself up for yelling at the kids.
The first option allows me to move forward but the second one leaves me with guilt/anger once the event is over and the initial anger is gone.
I am trying to live my life by option 1 these days. My past is littered with choosing option 2 and it has taken a long time and many Bach Flower Remedies to balance out all the retained negative emotions from events like the example above.
If you respond like I used to, it really is possible to re programme your response :-)
I tried to meditate as soon as I woke up yesterday morning and found that it didn't work very well. I think that I was just using it as an excuse to keep my eyes shut because I was very tired. Still, it was tried and will not be used again (hopefully)
Right-off to do morning meditation. Routine is not so routine now and I am proud that I can adapt it in a way that would have distressed me, not so long ago.
Simple little changes used to upset my sense of balance but I now seem able to relax into change-thank goodness :-)
Have a wonderful Tuesday,
Lxxx
Posted on Tue, March 6, 2012
by Linsey Denham