I was measured around all sorts of places last night and compared these measurements to a little scrap of paper I had measurements on at the end of the nineties. It's hard to believe that my measurements, 3 months after my 3rd child was born, were much smaller than they are now-EEK!!
Just as well I'm in a better place mentally this week. Last week it may have made me hibernate till I could cover up in winter clothes again!
The thing is it's all my own fault-not any excuses will be used!
We make choices for all sorts of reasons and it has been my choice to gain weight through eating far too much junk-food and doing NO excercise whatsoever!
Did I actually think that I could stay the same size as I was, before this period began?
Sometimes I reflect on the games my mind plays with me. Often it's when I've had a few glasses of wine whilst watching telly and have eaten 6 bags of my favourite crisps-of-the-moment! (Only 84 calories a bag-which is the reason I justified buying them in the first place, So that I could to eat one bag without doing much calorific damage!) I sit and ponder "Why?"
Why didn't I stop at one glass of wine? Why didn't I stop at one bag of crisps? Why did I stay up till 2am?
This may sound familiar or not. It seems to be a pattern that many get into repeating and is not exclusive to me. I am looking forward to putting myself up as a test-case at the next Bach practitioners meeting! They'll be able to sort me out! As a practitioner, I'm fab at sorting things out for others but sometimes I get myself into a place where I am unable to prioritise which elements of my emotions are needing balanced first. Forest-and-trees again!
Chatting with some friends this past week it seems like my sons impending departure may indeed be having a huge impact on me although I am not consciously aware of that being the case. I am so happy for him that he's ready to go out into the world and "find" the life he wants to live. I am not worried about him because I know in my heart that he will be safe and well.
I think what's going on may be a hidden version of what used to happen to me every time he had a birthday. I always ended up in such an aggitated state at the annual family gathering to celebrate him being another year older. It took many of these aggitations for me to have a lightbulb-moment which showed me that I was feeling terrible because he was one step closer to not needing me and leaving home! The last few years have been better since that realisation and I haven't fallen apart on his birthdays.
And this fast-approaching-gap-year is so much more than those birthdays, isn't it?
My angst at his increasing age didn't prevent this moment from arriving did it? It just wasted precious moments which would have been better-spent being happy.
I shouldn't use the word "wasted" because no experience we ever have is wasted. We use them all as a learning experience about the way we see our world-and it is just our world. Each of us has our own unique interpretation of what's going on around us!
I had a lovely power-walk with Jen, this evening. She would disagree and grumble to you that she's having to walk to try to get fit! Our perceptions of the same event are very different.
I chickened out of walking around Arther Seat tonight with the excuse that I would hold the other girls back because I'm not up to their fitness yet! Last year, I moaned and groaned all the way up that hill the first time I did it, in preparation for the moonwalk. But when we walked up that same stretch, in the pitch-black, amongst thousands of others, it was a doddle!! I who hates hills found it a doddle.
And yet I know that when I climb up that same hill in the near future, I will feel resentful and sorry for myself and I will hate doing it!
Anyway-I'm beginning to ramble and so I think that I'll just mention that Holly is a wonderful remedy when your perception is a bit off and you're hating something or someone! Willow is definately the one to take when you get the "poor me" thing going on!
I'll be taking both of them before climbing Arthur Seat!
Have a wonderful week,
Lxxx
p.s .........and almost not a single mention about the election or the air-chaos!
Posted on Wed, April 21, 2010
by Linsey Denham