There's now a bit of an indentation in the cushion, on my side of the couch, after having my rear end (and sometimes my curled-up whole body) parked on it for the past week. I'm still here, as I type this up on the laptop, still not 100% up to par. For someone who claims to never really get sick, this past week has been in total contrast to that statement and I've felt like a piece of toxic waste, trying to bring it's radiation levels down. And in the face of what I've spent the past 5 days continuously watching, I don't use the word radiation lightly.
Those of you who know me know that I don't watch the news because I don't like the way it makes me feel. I prefer happy thoughts to worrying ones, when I curl up in my bed at night and for me to sit with the tv on, whilst on my own, is a rare occurrence. The last time I spent this much time with the tv on was 9/11
Does this mean that I'm a "disaster junkie"?
For me it's more about bringing my own stuff into perspective whilst sending love, prayers and reiki to those who are in need. What else could I do, other than keep a candle lit to remind me to think outside myself and to send positive thoughts to all those who are dealing with the continuing problems in Japan.
Flicking through the news channels, of which there are many, I have found it almost unbelievable that there are so may "uprisings" going on. People standing up, all over the world, for what they believe in and many of them paying for it with their lives. I don't think that violence is the way forward for the world and would like all of those engaged in physical conflict to turn their eyes to Japan and see the way that those people are dealing with this devestating natural disaster. Nature, in the blink of an eye, wiped out tens of thousands of people. It did so without emotion, without discussion and without regret.
There was absolutely nothing could be done to prevent it's death-toll.
Surely there must be something that the people of the world can do to stop all the unnecessary, avoidable, terrible deaths from violent conflict? A way that the world can live in peace? Is nature repeatedly bringing our attention to all that it is capable of, to try to help us to see how precious each and every life that is lost is?
I spend lots of time "pondering"-I do love that word.
I ponder vague and wonderful notions and ideas that have been brought to my attention and I wonder at their validity and my own sanity. Some might say that the beliefs I now have are a bit bonkers and how can I possibly believe them. Once upon a time, I would have kept them hidden for fear of being judged and ridiculed for them.
But I choose to believe what I believe because it makes sense and feels right for me. I will share my beliefs with those who are interested but I want everyone to find their own way to happiness and that is different for all of us. My beliefs make my life happier and I would encourage everyone to look at the way they are living their lives and see if there are ways that they could make themseves happier.
Despite my illness this past week, I never once felt sorry for myself. I smiled inwardly in spite of the need to curl up in a ball and sleep and I asked constantly for help and support from the big old universe, to make me well. Only once did I feel a rise in panic, where I feared that I would lose control of my convictions that all would be well and in that instant, I prayed that I could relax and trust that my illness was indeed for a reason.
On a lighter note-it was probably telling me to cut back on Monday night wine and not eat Brie cheese at 10pm, especially if it's off.
A drastic way to detox or kick-start a weight-loss programme but now that it's pretty much done, I'm hopeful that I will use the quick-start to continue with a bit healthier attention to myself. My coffee intake is at 1 cup per day, wine and junk food at 0. Why would I seek to increase it again-except that I'm a bit fed-up of green Tea.
Today I am feeling almost normal and I plan to go out for a little walk this afternoon. I haven't been outdoors for more than a week. Spring is springing and I look forward to seeing what I have missed. The gardens and trees change so quickly at this time of year. I love spring. I love every thing about it-except the pollen. But as I've get older, even that has become less of a problem and the flowers seem worth the mild hayfever.
I just booked Andrews flight back to Toronto. He heads back in 2 weeks and is excited to go back there. He loved his stay, last summer and I am glad that he's loking forward to working hard and playing more rugby there.
I can't believe that it's been 9 months since I gave him a hug and I am sssssssssooooooooooo looking forward to being crushed by his bound-to-be-bigger frame, when I get my first hug from him in June. All those slaps, for his cheek via skype, will be forgotten no doubt, when I see him.
And with that happy thought in my mind, I'll close for this week.
Thought for today? If I can maintain happiness through the "ick" I've experienced this week, I have to believe that there is a way for us all to find/maintain happiness, despite what's going on with us. It won't always be easy but I believe that it is possible. And that belief makes my life happier.
Sending much love out to all and ask that you send a positive thought in the direction of someone who needs it, as often as you can this week. I find that having a candle lit reminds me to do so, every time I notice the candle. You might want to try it.
Lxxxx
Posted on Wed, March 16, 2011
by Linsey Denham