I have been absent from here for a very long while and I will apologise for that although I am not sure how many people read these postings and I may just be apologising to the site itself.
As the title suggests, life is now being lived in Etobicoke, which is part of the Greater Toronto area (GTA) and our new home is approx 40 mins from downtown Toronto itself.
I lived here for 6 years, from 1985 and loved almost every minute of it. It feels as much like home as Edinburgh does to me and yet I feel even more relaxed here to be who I truly am.
As I grew up, I became a persona of someone who I felt the world would like/love....the younger me had a great need to be loved. Once you 'set' that persona, it's who those around you expect you to be and you feel that you really cannot let them see who you really are because you will be rejected.
And so we go on pretending.
Being far away from those who have known me the longest is freeing somehow. I love my sister and brother very very much but even they struggle to believe that I am not the persona that I have portrayed for these last 35-40 years.
It took me years to convince my husband of the fact that I was really quite an introvert-in fact, by definition, I am the perfect closet-introvert. I have hugely over-compensated for being so, over my adult life.
When I think about things that I have done to make me forget how scared/insignificant/inferior I was truly feeling, it's like seeing an opposite-version of myself.
I don't regret anything that I've done in my life because it has all lead to this point. This point of being able to reveal to the world my insecurities about finding my place in it. The coming weeks are to be spent devoting myself to writing about things I have learned on this journey called life. At this precise moment, I'm not 100% sure what will present itself for sharing with the world.
I do know that I was given a love of writing and of healing and I know that I am supposed to be using this love to create the job that never needs a holiday. My latest notion is to approach multiple magazines to see if they'd like me to do a wee Bach Agony Aunt column.....and that feels great. A little part of me was going to keep it a secret until I manifested it, just in case someone else stole my idea.
The truth is, if it's meant to be, it will be. I could reach so many more people about Bach, if I could answer back to peoples problems, in plain view of other people who were going through a similar trial. It's a bit like Bach consults online for the world, right?
So, on that note, I'm going to wind up and add it to my list of things to investigate once my hubbie returns to Edinburgh tomorrow. I promised him that I would be earning enough money, doing a job that I love, so that he could give up a job that he definitely does not love.....very soon.
Hope this finds you all well and happy and, if not, get in touch for a consultation because I could use the work-lol.
Much love,
Lxxxx
Posted on Wed, October 8, 2014
by Linsey Denham