Over the past 8 months, I have had to get used to the fact that my son is no longer around the house. With the help of Chicory (to let him go and not have any expectations of him) Walnut (to help me adapt to the change of him not being here) and occassionally Red Chestnut (to help switch off excessive worrying about him) I have done a pretty decent job of not feeling sorry for myself (which would have required Willow.)
Before I ever knew about the Bach Flower Remedies, I gave birth to this beautiful baby boy who has, in what seems like the blink of an eye, morphed into a wonderful young man. He has surpassed any expectations that I may have had for him, as an individual and he continually surprises me with his sensitive, inner strength of knowing who he is. Finding what he wants to do with his life has unfortunately not been so easy but I have no great worries about that, as I know that he will find his way to where he belongs.
Those who know me well, know that I have always credited Andrew with changing the path I was travelling. In his choosing me to be his mother, he took me from a life of self-centredness to one of self-examination and I have to say that, at times, it was not an easy transition. From the moment he was put in my arms I had to look inwards to process emotions that were alien to me because I had always protected myself from loving anyone too much-just in case they hurt me. With my love for my son, there was no "off-switch" and therefore absolutely zilch protection from hurt.
Now you may be thinking "why would she need protection from hurt from her baby?"
My fear was that I had no coping mechanisms if anything were to happen to him. I loved him unconditionally, with my whole heart and for the first time, I trusted that there was a male figure in my life who loved me in that exact same way. No strings, no games-just love.
Some people are lucky and allow themselves to love and be loved, with wide open hearts. I wasn't one of them. But, with the help of my (long suffering) wonderful husband and the 3 children we together brought into this world (plus the little one we didn't get to meet) I am now able to love with an ever-increasingly open heart.
Risking that it will be stomped upon is worth it, for the joy that I am able to now feel. And knowing that it will heal and remain open, after any such stomping, is a fact that I am sure of.
Everyone has to find their own path to happiness and mine has been a long, winding, continuous one...............
..that of motherhood.
Relationships with sons and daughters are different, for although the love is as strong and as deep for all your children, there is a seperate study sheet for boys and girls. Perhaps fathers and daughters have a similar bond to mothers and sons, again, based on that unconditional love between the sexes being in play. I need to chat to Bill about it.
Of course, this is just my experience and has come from being the kind of person that I was pre-children. There is so much more that I could say but I perhaps need to write some notes down, elsewhere, around my feelings about the mother and son bond. Perhaps that "Mother and Daughter" book of mine needs to be on motherhood in general. Maybe I can do back-to-middle on Mothers and Sons and front-to-middle on Mothers and Daughters?
For now, I'll just say to any parents out there, try to enjoy the job. It's yours for life and I do believe that having fun with it is possible. During the difficult bits, try to be kind with yourself and know that you're doing your best. Love them and when they're grown, let them go. Appreciate any and all time that they spend with you and if, at any time, you're struggling with any aspect of parenthood, look to the Bach Flower Remedies and allow them to help you to bring balance and joy back into your life.
If I have been able to remain happy, despite my son leaving home (something that I would never have dreamed was possible, when he was born) I believe that the Bach remedies can help anyone to do the same.
Sending much love out to all-especially that beautiful boy of mine,
Lxxxx (MX)
Posted on Wed, March 2, 2011
by Linsey Denham