My new experiment with myself. 1 remedy at a time beginning with Agrimony.

My new experiment with myself. 1 remedy at a time beginning with Agrimony.

Last week, for whatever reason, I got the idea of taking the remedies one at a time to see what kind of responses I would become aware of, emotionally. I was thinking about the movie where the girl cooks her way through a cookbook and the notion came that I could do a similar thing with the remedies.

It's not going to be as simple as the cooking because I will not be taking each remedy on only one day. Please don't ask me how many days I'm going to take each remedy for, though becuase this is very much a work in progress without strict guidelines. I imagine that I will move on to the next remedy when it feels right to do so and I shall trust that I will know when that is.

I have written down a small daily account of how I've felt over this past 8 days and I'll copy and paste it below for you all to read. I think that I may post daily on my facebook. Please feel free to nudge me, if I begin slacking. I will take other remedies if I get too unbearable to live with but so far I'm doing okay, with only slight increases in my impatience and a bit of a Holly requirement a couple of days ago. I've not re-read any of the days so please excuse what may be mispelled or gramatically just wrong :-)

Sending out much love to all-wish me luck, Lxx

Day 1 Agrimony. April 6th 2011 22.30

I have a little bit of apprehension about only using 1 remedy at a time as, for me, it’s a completely new way of doing things. My mixing bottle usually has it’s full 7 in it, including my staple Walnut for my “change” and protection and Impatiens for my impatience and hot flushes. If they increase dramatically, I may have to abandon ship on this experiment.
Agrimony is a remedy that I’ve used a lot through the years. More, initially than of late, though.
I used it when my alcohol intake increased last fall, to see if it allowed me to see if I was hiding my real feelings about Andrew being away for a year. I didn’t discover anything in that dept but I did share a bunch of stuff, on day 1, with a friend and my husband that I never would have told them normally.
Today, for the first time in a few days, I haven’t poured myself a glass of wine. Any link? Let’s see how the next few days go.

Day 2
My sleep was a bit disturbed with my out of control thermostat, but I don’t think it’s increased much. I don’t get irritated by it any more. I just observe and switch on some Reiki and go back to sleep.
It’s been interesting today. I have felt rather joyful and I had no sooner used this word to my husband when I read it as one of the positive aspects of being in a balanced Agrimony state. Dancing around my kitchen is not the norm for yours truly and I know that I am in a good place when I find myself doing it.
It’s not an effect I would have expected from Agrimony but I suppose if I’ve been keeping myself hidden from myself, that uses up a lot of energy that perhaps is now freed up to let me dance?
On a not-so-positive note, I have been a bit impatient, which doesn’t surprise me as I’ve been using Impatiens for months now to minimise it. I did apologise to Bill and Alison for my need to have things done yesterday and asked them to cut me a little bit of slack whilst I carry out this experiment. If things get too bad with any emotional imbalance, my plan is to take the necessary remedy till I’m fit to be lived with again. I don’t want to get to the end of however many months and discover that my family have left home.

Day 3
Have been thinking today, as I powered my way round 2 laps of the park, that I might like to twitter this whole exercise and will have to look into it. My sleep was pretty disturbed last night with the internal heat but I did have a few glasses of wine before I turned in. Wine always increases my hot flushes, so not sure if it was worse than the normal post-wine increase. It’s worth noting that if my hubbie hadn’t had a glass of wine waiting for me, when I sat down to watch the movie, I would probably just have had Soda. Interesting note-I did something for me rather than doing something to make someone elses life easier. Risked the conflict or the judgement for it.

Day 4
Today has been a good day filled with little bits and pieces. I have done some singing and dancing and have also embraced each hour as it’s arrived without doing too much to try to please others. Did what felt right for me-again risking judgement and criticism of others. Have had a bottle of wine-interesting because I thought that I may cut down more but it’s early days. A bit surprised that I am being as balanced and patient as I am-great. Did in a bottle of vino, before bed and stayed up far too late surfing the net and watching romantic movie-bits.

Day 5
Managed to get out of bed without any problem and surprisingly was patient with Ali during the paper round. Did she move much faster than normal because I was patient or did she just seem to? Got a bit narked in traffic this afternoon but caught myself at it and calmed myself down again without needing to reach for my rescue spray. All in all I’m surprised that I’m able to do that, seeing as how I’ve been using Impatiens for such a long time. There were a couple of things today, that I thought of that were different for me but I should have written them down, when they occurred. Maybe they’ll present themselves again. This evening I could have got really “ratty” with Bill for not giving me quick and clear answers but I chose to not bite my nose off to spite my face. That was the old me who would have gone in the huff because I was asking for help and nor feeling like I was being given it. I risked the conflict and went ahead with the decision myself.

Day 6
I’ve had a really good day, with a new Reiki client in Allans this morning (shame that she lives in Belfast) and a new Bach client this afternoon via skype. This is what I love to do and I have asked the bog old universe to attract to me, much more of what I love to do. Here’s hoping. I met a friend today who I recognised as needing Agrimony. She herself knows it and commented on my very real smile as opposed to her forced one. She knows where I am if she needs me. I did the shopping yesterday and risked Bill’s comments on my ability to do so. I’ve backed off from doing it over the last couple of years ‘cause he’s great at it and gets the bargains from various places. However, I am more than capable of doing the shopping and so what, if he comments on something extra that I choose to buy.
The house is quiet, despite the girls being off school. This evening was spent watching tv shows with Jen and Bill (Ali’s at rehearsals) and I’ve downed a couple of glasses of. That’s ok.

Day 7
Got up at a reasonable time to go for a power walk with Jen, twice around the figgate park. She and I have decided that we will do lots of walking together to tone up for the summer. It was a beautiful bright but cool breezy morning but we did 15min laps and enjoyed the sunshine. Spontaneously decided to take her to the Waterstones to look at books and for me to get a latte. Not something that I’d often do, partly because Ali may complain that she wanted to go. Is this me risking conflict rather than keeping the peace? Also spoke up about what I was doing and going to do-again, risking conflict. I did have to route around to find someones mix with Holly in, tho’ as I was mind-reading that Bill was upset with me for various things. Trying very much to believe that if someone is upset it’s their problem and not mine. Still drinking the wine but last night was tinged with my old need for it-that of not wanting to feel hurt and angry-thus the Holly. Imagining that someone is upset with me is not going to help anyone. Holly will hopefully help me to see things as they are, without suspicion.

Day 8
Refilled the Agrimony bottle and it still feels right to take it. Not sure what the general time for each remedy will be. Resisting taking any others because I want to get a sense of what’s going on within me, without the others. I can see that I am not so worried about what others are thinking about me. I’m not being Mrs Social, when I meet new people and I’m not trying to make other people feel better by putting my smiley happy face on. I am much quieter, I’m finding. I talk when I need to but I’m spending a lot of time around people, not feeling like I should talk. So I listen and I think and I am not scared that these new people will not think I’m wonderful and friendly. I’m not scared that they won’t include me because I actually don’t want to be included. How great is it to be able to look at myself and acknowledge that I have always worried about others feeling uncomfortable in silence and therefore I have filled that silence with friendly chatty banter. I always wanted others to like me and to want to be my friend. Now I realise how much I value my time and I don’t actually want to be invited to anything that I haven’t chosen by myself to do, just to prove to me that I’m liked.
No wine tonight as I was helping at Alis show and we didn’t get back till late. It’s been a very busy, very good day. Life is good.

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