Sitting here, listening to songs from Les Miserables with lines such as
"...Then I was young and unafraid.....dreams were made and used and wasted.....no song unsung, no wine untasted"
changing to
"but there are dreams that cannot be and there are storms we cannot weather. I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living...........now life has killed the dreams I dreamed"
makes me think of some of the bleak hours I've faced during my 16 years of parenthood and how we have no idea, when we're young, how things will be in our future.
To put this into perspective: I really am not living a "hell" but I have had times when this song did make me sob because it felt so real. I have a wonderful husband (yes, I seriously mean that) and 3 fantastic healthy kids who I would not swap for the world. But, if I had to go back, I would still be that woman who did not want any children. After 2 years of being a nanny to 4 youngsters, I "got" the whole responsibility thing and wanted none of it!!
It just is a really difficult job, being a good parent. And the word "good" means something different for everyone. The thing is-there's no handbook!! Yes, people have written books about parenthood but really, let's face it-we're on our own. We do the best that we can do with the knowledge we have and there is no such thing as the perfect parent. We will do it differently from our parents 'cause we all have issues which we blame them for. Our kids will have a whole set of different issues to blame us for!!There's a line that is often said in my house and that's "I'm not your friend, I'm your mother and you're going to dislike me sometimes and I'll have to cope with that!" We have to show kids boundaries and they are not always going to like what we say. But it's horrible when they don't like us or when we feel like the worst parents on the planet-guilt ridden despite the fact that we know that they deserved that row we gave them! (Centaury will help you to say "No" and stand strong in your decisions and Pine will help you to let go of the guilt regarding things that you shouldn't feel guilty about)
Each stage has it's challenges and I'm just up to a 16 yr old but do have friends with grown up kids.
During the early "physically" demanding years there's a huge amount of tiredness which leads to all sorts of other emotions surfacing. Here's just some of them and remedies which might help you to enjoy, rather than "survive", your childrens' early years.
Olive can help with the mental and physical exhaustion and to keep you going without collapsing in a heap. It can also help you to get a better rest from the little sleep that you do have.
Cherry Plum can help with those feelings of being scared that you'll blow a fuse and smack or yell or just lose your marbles altogether. It helps bring the pressure cooker down a notch or two.
Impatiens can help with the impatience that little people can exact. They will do it in their own sweet time, thanx but if you'd like to get annoyed with me mum, I like any kind of attention!! My youngest told me to take less of this last week when it was 8.30am and I wasn't yelling at her to get out of her jammies for school. "You're supposed to make sure I'm ready" she said, as I sat serenely with my coffee. She's also the first to tell me that I'm needing to go take some of this if I'm getting irritated with her. She just mimics dropping some into her mouth and points at the remedy-box!!
Willow can help with any feelings of resentment that might appear. When you find yourself thinking "why is it always me who has to do that?" and "It's not fair" this remedy will help you to let it go and not feel so sorry for yourself. There's no point in "huffing" and I should know 'cause I've wasted months of my life doing just that. Not any more-I take willow and deal with whatever is bugging me rather than just moaning about it to anyone who'll listen.
Agrimony will help you to ask for help if you're someone who thinks that you have to keep up perfect appearances to the outside world. Rather than raiding the fridge or downing a bottle of wine, this remedy will help you talk about what's bothering you rather than stuffing your feelings down and avoiding them.
Holly helps if you're feeling hurt and angry. Whether your anger is outward at others or turned in on yourself. If you find that you're suspicious and jealous and supersensitive to real (or imagined) slights then this one will help you feel more sane and to do less "mind-reading". There's no point in thinking that you know what someone's thinking because there's no way that you can!!
Elm is for those feelings of being overwhelmed! Plain and simple-you're not coping-it's all too much!! It helps you to put things into perspective and to work your way through things that need done and not to sweat the small stuff. Especially helpful if you're trying to be superwoman but are hiding in the bat-cave 'cause you don't know where to start!!
And I think that's enough for now. I didn't know what formatt this would take and will see how it all evolves. I will look at some remedies for adolescence, perhaps or schooldays or something for next time. Weekly blog seems okay but it may take a different frequency depending on how well my Wild Rose" for my recent apathy works!!
Lx
Posted on
Wed, October 22, 2008
by Linsey Denham