Perfect Timing!!

Perfect Timing!!

In my last blog I was chatting about the irony of having to admit my mum to hospital after finally learning my lesson regarding my relationship with her. This lesson must have been the one that my mum was here to teach me because she sadly and unexpectedly passed away last Saturday!

She had been in wonderful form the few days prior and we were talking about her getting home before I go on holiday tomorrow. Well, she is home.............just not in her earthly one.

I used to tell her that she must have something still to do before she could rejoin all of her departed loved ones and I now believe that I was that thing. Of course now my siblings are saying I killed her, which you can see looks like the case after what I've just written. All in jest, of course!!!!

My brother, sister and I have had a lovely week together, since mums passing and ther has been lots of hilarity about our childhoods with friends and our cousin David. In fact, just before mum passed, we were laughing hard about many things-including her in our conversation even though she was unable to respond.I believe that she waited till all 3 of us were with her and then she left the building. Physically, she took a little bit longer to leave but the mum we knew and loved had already gone when she stopped breathing.

 The funeral service was lovely and performed by a friend from the past, Liz Crocker. She allowed us to choose what we wanted to do and gave us the strength to do it. Jennifer had written some beautiful words which Liz read out. Alison chose to sing a song which her gran sang to all of them whilst on babysitting duty.Mhairi (my neice, who was coaxed to be in Spain on holiday with her dad) set a balloon free during the time of the funeral service and my sister Janette lit a candle to signify light shining for my mum who's sight had virtually disappeared in recent years. It was symbolic of her being able to see again in the light.

Mum had chosen the hymns and the place-the rest she left to us and we followed her signs through the days of preparation. From the funeral home to the flowers to the music from Lord of The Rings, which we played going in and out of the service (movies she'd watched with Andrew and her favourite books) All of these came with signs that they were the right thing to do.

The fact that I am usually away on holiday the week before the schools break has not gone unnoticed as has the fact that my sister never goes away at that time. The joke is that now we know who the favourite is because my holiday is going ahead and Janette did not go on hers!! Janette's rebuff if that "mum knew that you would still go on holiday and miss the funeral and she wanted us all there"-Fair Point!! I always said that I didn't want the phonecall, if anything happened when I was away and I think that she's really let me off the hook by her impeccable timing.

I know that I am now running on empty and I will have 3 weeks to recharge, before I need to be of any use to any clients that I see.

Bill and I went to see "Eagles" at Hampden last night-compliments of mum for Christmas.

Paul Carrick was supporting and sang "Living Years" just after I sat down.

How many more signs do I need that she is still with me?

As a family, we've all been using the "everyone" remedies which I made up when mum died. They include Star of Bethlehem, for the shock of mum's passing, Walnut for change and Sweet Chestnut for the despair. Interestingly, they have included White Chestnut which I think has been a Godsend because we've all managed to sleep, rather than tossing and turning with a multitude of thoughts buzzing around.

For those of you who have endured a bereavement, you'll understand the pain in my heart, which comes in engulfing waves at times. There is nothing but time and life which will lessen the frequency of these breakers and I will try to be gentle with myself when they threaten to tear me apart.

For now, I must go because I haven't even looked at a suitcase, never mind what is to go in one for tomorrow. I'll likely be M.I.A, whilst I'm away but will look forward to writing more on this litle page on my return.

Sending love and light to you all,

Lxx

 

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