remember that the other person has feelings!

remember that the other person has feelings!

I cringed a few times whilst watching the Golden Globe Awards show, last night but none more than when Mel Gibson was introduced by the host (who will remain nameless, partly because I dislike his humour and partly because I can't spell his last name and refuse to source it)

His comment felt wrong and raw and although Mel took it on the chin, smiling as he pretended to be drunk, I was shocked to think of us treating each other in such a fashion. Getting laughs by making comments about another persons life is surely not a good way to conduct ourselves, especially in front of his/her peers, millions of television viewers and the person themselves. There were gasps from some of the other attendees-disbelief that someone could be so heartless, perhaps?

I love Mel Gibson and I have read/heard about some of the stuff that has gone on with him in recent years. I know that once upon a time (before he became famous and in his early Hollywood days) he was reported to be a devoted husband, father and christian. Then he was reported to be having some alcohol and anger issues. Then he was reported to be having some extra-marital relationships going on. How much of the press was accurate I don't know but I am pretty sure that having his life splattered all over the tabloids would not have been an easy thing to deal with and perhaps only served to fulfill the already "prophesised" behaviour. A case of "They're already blaming me so I might as well give them something to blame me for" would not be too far-fetched to imagine!

I can only imagine (to be experienced later) what feelings erupt when you feel like the whole world is closing in on you and there's nowhere to hide. Mel's a pretty nice bit of "eye-candy" and I sense a good guy into his bargain. Add to that his filmstar status and enough money to buy nice things and there was always going to be horrendous temptations being flung at him, in the form of  "hungry" young females looking for their bit of fame by association.

How many times did Mel have to try to convince his wife that he was doing nothing wrong? How many times do you defend yourself before you throw in the towel and give up? I don't know if that's what happened-none of us do-only Mel, himself would be able to answer the question.

What I think that I do know is that it can't be easy maintaining a relationship when you are a handsome or beautiful movie star (or anyone in the public eye for that matter) It's not impossible (proved by Jeff Bridges and his wife of 33 years who were at the same award show) but I think I could safely bet that it would be more difficult for them than for you or I (till we're famous, anyhow!)

Most of us can quietly go about our lives and our misadventures without the whole world judging us on it and rightly so. We all choose paths that may not appear to be the best of terrain from others viewpoints but we can learn from these difficult paths and hopefully establish what failings in ourselves we need to strengthen.

Despite his smile Mel Gibson seemed like a crushed, smaller man than when I last saw him. If he is on his road towards healing his alcohol and anger issues, a comment like the introductory one made, referring to his alcohol consumption, may well have caused him a setback. People don't consciously choose to have anger-management issues or alcohol addictions. These conditions appear when something isn't quite right in their lives! Addictions are an escape from something and (from personal experience) they can sneek up on you unawares to become a problem.

I am lucky to live my life with a very supportive husband whom I see every day (with the odd exceptions) and if I'm struggling he can see it, help me acknowledge it and support me through whatever it is.To have to live apart from your support structure-not to mention them also being the ones you love and miss and feel guilty about not being there for-must be torturous! I, for one would not like to try it. Sure, there's lots of money being a Hollywood Movie Star and lots of parties, nice clothes and restuarants but AT A COST!

Going back to us making fun of other people as a source of amusement, I am as guilty as the next person for doing just that. Making (seemingly harmless) comments about my friends in front of others to make people laugh does not seem so harmless anymore. I know that I, too, can be the target of friendly jokes, even from my wonderful family and most of the time I'm happy enough to understand that it's not meant to hurt me. On occassion, though, I feel slighted and undervalued and can feel that the comments make a huge negative impression on me. I know that for the most part people would feel dreadful if they knew how upset I was because of their comments and somehow I need to remember this as I interact with my friends and family.

I need to respect their feelings and to perhaps joke about something they've done instead of them as a person. People do stupid things. People are not stupid!! I already scold people when they are saying negative things about themselves. Perhaps the thing they did was negative but we all need to be feeding only positive thoughts about who we are into our subconscious.

I do hope that Mel Gibson was having a great day psychologically, at the Golden Globes and that he was able to protect himself from any hurt or embarrassment that I felt for him. We are all linked and should try to remember how we feel in certain situations so that we can ensure that we help others to feel better about themselves through a little bit of positive affirmation.

Okay-off to take Ali to guides!

May we all have a wonderful week and be nice to ourselves and others!

Lxxx

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