Bach Flower Remedies and Reiki have certainly been needed by yours truly this week!
Have you ever had that overwhelming feeling that makes you want to either curl up in a ball to hide or to run for the hills in the opposite direction to all the stuff that you've got to deal with?????
That was me a couple of days ago! Me that's supposed to be so balanced and level-headed...................
A spirit-level would have been at five past 5 or five to 11with how level I felt-definately nowhere near the quarter to 3 it's supposed to be!!!
Dr Bach's philosophy teaches us that if we're emotionally balanced we don't have to get sick. I could totally see that this week because if I hadn't got to grips with the way that I was feeling I would definately have "come down with something." I could feel it building-almost like it would have given me an excuse to "bail" because I was sick!! The old me would have regressed into a backache but, with a huge effort, I managed to convince myself that I should take some Elm (for feeling overwhelmed) and do some Reiki on myself. I also asked my Reiki mentor, Lorraine (check out her brilliant courses on Feel Good Therapies) to please send me some hugs and Reiki-significant progress for a woman who used to think that she had to do it all herself without letting anyone know what a struggle she was having. And let's not forget the importance of kind, encouraging words from a friend. Beth reminded me that I didn't have to solve all of my stuff on Monday-there were other days!
Result? I'm still in the midst of a million things going on but am plodding my way through them from sunny Mountcastle rather than avoiding them from a Costa Coffee somewhere!!
There are so many times when we can feel like it's all too much and we doubt our ability to cope. Being terrified, as I was this week, is not helpful and Rock Rose which is in Rescue Remedy can help you to realise that there is no sense in living with fear. What will happen will happen whether we are fearful or not and usually the fear of something is blown out of proportion and we feel like our minds are going to explode from trying to keep it together. Cherry Plum is the Bach Flower Remedy which helps with this irrational fear where we think we may not be able to maintain control and might go insane trying-it's another of the remedies in Rescue Remedy.
Right....so this is a blog and so I'm supposed to share with you what exactly it has been that has caused me such emotional turmoil since I last wrote this! I do get sidetracked with the remedies but that's 'cause I want you all to know which ones might help if you get into the same kind of "Pickles" as me!
My mum went into hospital on Monday-simple as that. She was the straw that broke the camels back!
I had planned to spend all day Monday preparing some work stuff-had the whole day clear to get down to preparing material for my first Reiki teaching session next week. I did have a feeling that this might not go according to plan when I needed to go visit mum on Sunday evening because she had an upset digestive system (let's just leave it at that!)
When I called to see how she was first thing on Monday, I knew that the day was off course because I needed to call in the doctor to see her and to be there when they visited.
I was consumed by equal measures of Resentment for needing to deal with the situation, Guilt for feeling resentful (what kind of daughter was I?) and Terror at my mother being ill again and would this be the last time??????
Resulting tears for feeling overwhelmed by these feelings spoiled my Ready Brek and raisins and I sent out my sos to Lorraine and took some Willow, Pine and Rescue Remedy for the affore-mentioned feelings.
I spent 9 hrs with my mum on Monday and yet again I was aware of my time being the only gift she ever wishes for from me. I cried at her crying in pain and wondered why it has to be this hard to have an aging, frail parent.She was distraught that she couldn't keep up the pretense of coping in front of me and I was overwhelmed (need a new word for this) by my feelings of helplessness, watching her with her pain.
All I could offer was constant Reiki and to rub rescue remedy into her pulse points.
She and I have this eternally occuring scenario going on where the roles of parent and child have been reversed. I still want her to be my mother and my support, as does she. Yet, I'm the one making the decisions for her and it seems wrong, somehow. I know that I'm not alone and that nobody finds it easy when a parent becomes like another child to look after. What I'm desperately trying to learn though is
"How do I do this with a loving, happy and caring heart?"
and I know that time is running out for me to grasp the lesson!!!!!!!!
I have a huge resistance to some aspect of this learning but I'm at a loss as to how to change that. Love is the answer, I'm sure and I know that I love my mother as she loves me but this is an understanding, not something that is proven by words.
Perhaps that's it? Perhaps I'm meant to tell her that I love her because perhaps she doubts that I do, in the same way that I have doubted whether or not she loves me, in the past.
Suffice to say, I will keep trying to enrich my relationship with my mother until the day she is no longer with me. That day will again be a mixture of conflicting feelings which I shall have to deal with but, with the help of the Bach flower Remedies, Reiki and my friends I am hopeful that I will not be out of balance for long.
On that note, I shall say Ta, Ta till next week. Wish me luck with my balance and get in touch if you're having trouble with yours!!
Lx
Posted on Wed, April 1, 2009
by Linsey Denham