Still on Agrimony and not so worried about being judged.

Still on Agrimony and not so worried about being judged.

My plan, this morning, was to write this blog on the laptop, outside in the sunshine. After a few attempts of getting the laptop to do my bidding, it's decided that it doesn't want a sunburn and wants to stay in the cool comfort of my kitchen. Spoilsport.

But, not to be defeated, in my quest for my legs to turn a golden shade of brown, I'm starting this blog on my phone and will email it to myself. Then I will do the copy and paste thing and voila-you should be reading it on the website later.
I know that I could simply log onto my website, through this piece of technology but I don't have the patience to wait for the browser to connect. Alison is the one who takes advantage of my phones ability to connect to the wider world-I only purchased it because it was free with my very reasonable £10/month contract. I do love that I can use its email function though, as it keeps me well-connected to Andrew, who's phone also has this handy addition. And of course, perhaps I will now post my blog more effectively, if I remember that I can do the same as today.

Firstly, I suppose that some of you may be curious about my experiment with Agrimony?

Well, my second bottle is empty and I have stopped writing down and posting my daily observations. There didn't seem to be a lot to share with you, to be honest.

However, there are little things, like 2 phonecalls in 4 days to my sister that are a bit unusual. Even though I could rationalise phoning her on Easter Sunday and this morning because I had a favour to ask, it felt different.

It seemed like it was more spontaneous, rather than thinking that I didn't quite want to do it. Not because I don't usually want to speak with my sis but I think that deep down I am concerned about bothering her-and anyone else that I have to phone, for that matter. I think that I avoid phoning people because it means putting myself into their awareness and that they may make a judgement about me, from the way that I put myself across.

It sounds like a very strange idea, as I type it but I am sure that there is an element of Agrimony which is gently working away, within me, to allow me to progress to living my life as it's meant to be and as who I'm meant to be.

Being unconcerned about how you come across to others and not worrying about how the other person may feel if you do what is right for you are both elements of positive Agrimony. And whilst I always encourage others to live their lives in this way, I suspect that I haven't been managing to fully embrace my own ideals.

In ways that I had not expected, Agrimony seems to be pointing out that it is okay for me to "shine" and if others disagree with my beliefs and reasons for letting my brightness increase, then I TRULY will not be bothered by it.
It's lovely to have people agree with you and confirm that your beliefs are worth believing but, in the scheme of things, the only person that has to feel good about your beliefs is you.
My beliefs are mine and believing in all the things that I believe in makes my life happy and wonderful.

I believe in angels and talk to them all the time.

I know that my mother and father are very close to me all the time but I only feel their presence intermittently.

I knew that I was a healer, many years before I admitted it to anyone because I was afraid of being judged as bonkers or for thinking that I was "worthy or important enough" to heal.

I say the Lords Prayer at least once a day although I don't now believe in formal Christianity.

I consider myself Christian-like in my desire to help people to live the lives that their soul wants them to.

I believe in my total commitment to my husband and children despite my belief that people shouldn't stay together because they "think" that they should.

I am a divorcee and was meant to have that experience, to share it with others.

I was the "guilty" party and I have since been able to help the "betrayed" to understand that it really wasn't about them. My first husband was kind and generous and didn't deserve to have his heart broken by me but there was nothing he could have done to stop me from taking the actions that I did. NOTHING because it really was "all about me" and nothing to do with faults in him.

And that's as far as I got this morning but in reading it this evening-wow. Agrimony is really helping me to put myself out there and risk your judgement of me.

It's late-life took over, yet again and so I'll close this blog with the promise of sharing more of who I am with you very soon. It feels right to do so because I think that lots of people feel alone and different from everyone else and they judge themselves very harshly.

My aim, as always, is to help people to feel connected and to help them to find their happiness inside themselves instead of from someone or something.

In closing, I send much love out to all who read these words but mostly to those who need to read them.


No comments (Add your own)

Add a New Comment


Comment Guidelines: No HTML is allowed. Off-topic or inappropriate comments will be edited or deleted. Thanks.