The ongoing saga with wine :-)

The ongoing saga with wine :-)

I had a comment through the website, asking how my drinking-cutback was going. I don't know if I can reply to individual comments so thought I'd post a bit in the blog about it and hope that the 'commenter' gets it. I will send off an email to my webman to see about replying individually and also ask him how I actually let comments be seen. Believe it or not, I do get the odd comment or two. Not that the comments are odd...............much. So, wine consumption ? It has decreased drastically over the last couple of weeks and this may be the trend or just a fluke. One thing that I am aiming for is that I really won't be keeping score. Over the past few months, I have found it quite easy to put away a bottle of wine on evenings that my hubbie is around. That makes it sound like it's his fault that I drink and it's definitely not. He and I have a stronger, more loving relationship now than when we got married 20 yrs ago and his being around in the evening is fab. However, we tend to catch up on a lot of TV together and as soon as my bum hits the chair it feels like wine-time. Bill doesn't drink, so there's no pressure coming from him, to crack open a bottle and I don't start drinking because I am feeling stressed either. It's become a bit like Pavlovs response (not sure of spelling) Bill + TV= wine. Some of my earlier blogs talk about the alcohol and No alcohol years. I give up completely for 3-5 yrs and then begin again, trying to moderate. When moderation doesn't work, I stop for another spell of several years and so it has been since I was 18 years old-the first time that I gave up completely which lasted 5 years. That first time was to make a statement and that's as much as I will say today. I just back-spaced a paragraph of 'whys' because it felt like I would be here all day if I got into that. So, some other time, the history will appear or perhaps you'll read it in my book? Back to the question on how my cutting back on wine is going and I will say 'great' This time around it feels like the 'battle' needs to be surrendered to be won. I have always tended to try to do things by myself, without asking for help but having Reiki, Bach Remedies and meditation in my life for the last few years, I think that there has been significant and sufficient healing within that is allowing me to both ask for help and to trust that all is as it should be. My need for control is lessening and I have been paying for myself to have holistic massage on a regular basis (I am worth it) and on Tuesday I had the most amazing Sonic massage-a mixture of sound healing and massage. Interestingly, I did not have any wine that evening despite Bill being home because I didn't want to feel bad the next day. That in itself, is a shift from my last massage after which I drank a bottle of wine (despite knowing better) and then felt tired and grouchy the next day. A few nights ago, I threw my arms up and said 'okay, I surrender. I can't do this by myself-please help' and I was perfectly sober at the time. I had just had enough of the fight. I have also taken to drinking out of a smaller glass and making sure that I drink soda, alongside the wine although last night I had the 'big' glass but stopped at 1. So, in the past 2 weeks, rather than having 6 bottles of wine, I have had 2 and that seems okay. Whilst Andrew was here to visit, I wanted to remember it all and I didn't want drink too much. I think that it is with that same awareness that this past week has been different. Perhaps I don't want to 'miss' any more of my life? Finally and probably very importantly, I am doing daily meditation through the Deepak and Oprah 21 day challenge. Ruth Fishel, my favourite author (and a recovering alcoholic of many years) says that she does not know anyone who does daily meditation who succumbs to their addiction. So, watch this space, as always and I will try to be honest with you and let you know what does and doesn't work for me. On that note, got to run to meditation ;-) Much love, Lxxx

 

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