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A couple of things happened in the last 24 hrs that makes me wonder about changing the format of my book yet again.
My friend put me through an 'Anne of Green Gables moment', the one where Gilbert tells Anne that he always thought that she should write about Avonlea and I also had a dream that seemed like it was telling me to write short stories on 'my experiences of...........' Things like divorce, marriage, death, birth, parenthood etc.
I suppose if I did something like that, then I would be able to help lots of people.
LJ said that when she reads my blog, it always makes her feel better that I am experiencing similar emotions (for different reasons) to her and that my honesty helps her know that she is not mad or alone in her feelings. That's kinda nice to be able to do and I know that it's why I try to write from my heart and not my head.
So we will see where this book of mine goes.
Other news-i am doing Reiki self-healing daily, combining it with counting my breath (meditation) and it's a good way to begin my day. In case there are any regular readers out there, who are curious about my wine-consumption, I am still drinking on the nights that Bill isn't working. My guilt around it is gone and my need to finish the bottle seems to have lessened. Perhaps there will be evenings approaching where I choose not to have any at all. Who knows. Life is fluid and can change at the drop of a hat, or the hanging up of a telephone receiver as I am remembering during the writings around my fathers illness. It's not a place that I have ever gone back to or thought I would write about but it was a pivital point in my life, course-correcting it to the direction it was meant to go. When you let words flow from your heart, it can be surprising and emotional what appears on the page.
I taught Reiki 2 a couple of weekends ago and it was a fabulous experience, making me think more about my own daily practices. I always have found that my ability to teach enhances my learning as much as the other way around. I always gain, because I am someone who will only teach what I believe and so I have decided that I would like to live the belief more.
This weekend I am doing the 'Calm Kids 2' course with Lorraine, from Feel Good Therapies. I am looking forward to it immensely despite the little nook of anxiety around putting myself out there and trusting my voice.
A voice that, over the past year, has become unrecognisable from the one that I have used for the last 40 years. I still sound the same. I am still me but it is the ability to speak out, from my soul, that's changed.
I am still not there, when it comes to not worrying about being judged but I am certainly risking putting myself out there in front of others. Leading a 10 week meditation course and doing Calm Kids are 2 of the ways that I am stretching myself.
Doing a 'write a book in 10 weeks' course is another way. The first week of class, I was ready to run for the hills by the end of the first hour but, I asked for some Angelic help and did some Reiki and I was amazed at the change. My 2nd weeks reading aloud described how petrified I was and when (referring to the tasks the tutor was asking us to do) I read out 'didn't this woman know that I was Scottish', there was laughter and smiles because most of the others had felt exactly as I had.
It took courage (or was it confidence) to share my feelings with a room full of strangers but in doing so I allowed them all to realise that they were not alone in their fear and discomfort.
Honesty breeds honesty. The more that I acknowledge how I am feeling, the more I am able to do the acknowledging. Last nights class had me reading about dads admission to hospital and my voice quivered its way through the page I chose to read. Last week it had felt stronger and I was a bit disappointed that I couldn't get a handle on my breath. Lesson learned, I didn't ask for Angelic help and I didn't switch on my Reiki for myself. Next week will be better but goodness knows what the ending of my book will be because I haven't even settled on a subject yet. I had to give the book a name and it got 'experiential journeys' which I thought might work and writing this book is definitely one that can go inside its covers.
I chatted with both my son and elder daughter on Skype, after I got home from last nights class and it was wonderful. They have such great personalities on a keypad. I love that they seem better able to say more, whilst typing, than they would sitting beside me. The little icons that they use, enhance their words and their souls come singing through the screen. I had to reluctantly drag myself from the computer, to spend some time with their father because I was having such a lovely visit with them both.
Perhaps I will catch them again today.
Anyway, I will get this posted and must do some writing on the book. Maybe I will manage to do an hour a day, this week. It is a commitment after all.
Love to all,
Lxx