Having used the remedies for more than fifteen years now, I regard myself as a bit of an expert in there uses...and that's without adding in all of the training I have had to get to being a Bach Foundation Registered Practitioner (BFRP) and  Level 1 Bach International Education Programme (BIEP) Level 1 trainer.                                                                          My own personal use of the remedies has become one of the strongest elements of my teaching in that I can share how the remedies have made such wonderful changes in my own life.

I LOVE teaching all things Bach and I especially love the small groups of women who enter my life, to learn how they can become the happiest best versions of themselves through the exploration and use of the 38 Bach flower remedies. I almost wish that Dr Bach had been an Edwina rather than an Edward :)

Kidding aside, I am already looking forward to teaching again in Mississauga, in April and perhaps in Scotland in May. If you think that you'd like to explore how to use the Bach Flower remedies to make your emotional life more balanced...get in touch :

Yours, in Bach...and with Love,

Lxx

"I had typed a pretty decent Blog to post in here, on the run up to the New Year but I seem to have lost it.

I suppose that was to be expected by the fact that my tutorial on this new website was last Spring...when the site was created.

You may ask, 'why haven't you posted a blog since the site was created?' and I would have to shrug my shoulders and say 'Resistance'

The resistance has felt like standing on the wrong side of a locked-door whilst knowing that I alone held the key to unlocking it and receiving all of the wonderful gifts on the other side.

This may resonate with some of you and I hope that you too will find that your key makes it's way to the keyhole of your locked-door, this year, to bring you all that your heart desires.

My heart desires to be of service, fearlessly and without any thought of possible judgement or conflict.

I have been stubborn and full of pride these past years, thinking that I can do it all, by myself, whilst advising others to ask for help. Do I think that I am somehow better than everyone else? I guess that I have.

But, no more :)

Today is the first day of a brand new year and I am using the Bach Flower remedy Agrimony, to help me to be fully-authentic with myself and others, thereby risking judgement and conflict.

I have tried to move forward by myself, on my own, solo but the door in front of me has remained locked. My revelation, at the end of the auld year, was that my key to that door is the ability to ask for help.

And so I am asking. I am asking those of you who know me, to help me to spread the word on how I can help others. I am asking those of you who have yet to know me, to trust that you have found your way in here for a reason.

I am also planning to have a Bach consultation...for me...to help me...

Watch this space.

Happy New Year everyone. Wishing us all a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2018

Lxx"

Much Love and all the very best of everything is being wished for you for 2016.

Lxx

The fact that it is not, got me to thinking about the countless numbers of women (and men) who may be hurting from the loss of an unborn child whether it has just happened or whether, like me, it occurred nearly twenty years ago.
When you have suffered a miscarriage or an 'in-utero' death, how many people around you know or remember that this has happened to you and, if they do, for how long to they think it will affect you?
When I had my miscarriage, I mostly felt like a complete failure because I felt that it (like everything else at that point in my life) must have been my fault. But I spouted to one and all that I was lucky to have two fit and healthy children already and that it must be far worse for women who didn't yet have children. I also tried to console myself with the thought that it must be far worse to lose a child who you have given birth to than one who wasn't yet ten weeks of growth inside me.
It took the wise words of a friend who had experienced one such loss for me to allow myself to feel that it was okay to feel hellish. She simply told me, down through the phone-line, 'Linsey, it was your baby and don't minimise this loss'
I did continue to minimise it though, both to the outside world and to myself but the loss needed to be acknowledged, processed and healed and that took many years...and obviously it is still not complete judging by my reaction to the fact that it is 'Pregnancy and Infant-loss Remembrance Day'' today.
Reading the post, I was struck by the intensity of emotion that I felt and I needed to do some writing to try to heal the piece of hurt that I still feel.
For years, after my miscarriage, I suffered from very low moods in September. I used to blame them on the fact that I had just spent summer with the kids with much less adult input and 'me-time' than I would normally have. It wasn't until I began to work on my mental health that I discovered that those low Septembers were due to subconsciously being aware of the lack of the joyful birthday that would have been shared with the child that I didn't get to meet.
As soon as I became aware of this fact, my 'September-Blues' disappeared and I thought, until today, that my heart was healed.
Lucklily for me, I now have tools at my disposal which will help me to continue my healing of this wound and of others from my past.
The Bach Flower Remedies have seen me through the last thirteen years without failing me.
Prior to them I existed in pain from one joint or another. Several surgeries in as many years and three bouts of depression due to my health were all behind me, after I started using the remedies.
I  believe, as did Dr Bach, that my negative emotions caused my physical ailments which in time caused my mental health to worsen. I was stuck in a circle of illness and didn't know how to escape from it.
When I finally fell apart in front of a friend who swore by the Bach Flower Remedies, she made me promise to call her practitioner the next day...and the rest is wonderful history, I am so very grateful to say.
Because of my own dramatic healings with the remedies, I went from being a client for nine months to learning Levels 1, 2 and 3 courses to become a registered practitioner. After working as a practitioner and loving the teaching-side of it,  I went on to become a Level 1 trainer and now love to share my passion for self-healing with anyone who will listen.
I already have Star of Bethlehem in my current remedy-mix because intuitively I was compelled to add it. This is the second hurt that has come up for examining, since beginning taking Star and I know that it must be time for this little bit of my heart to be put to rest in peace.
Star of Bethlehem was named the 'Soother of Sorrows' by Dr Bach and I know that if I hadn't been already taking it, my reaction this morning would have involved tears and pain rather than the simple awareness of there still being healing to be done.
So, in conclusion of this article, I'd like to invite you to please be kind to everyone you meet and that includes the person that you see in the mirror each day.
We do not always know what losses a person is healing (or not healing) from or how it will be affecting their mental and physical health on a daily basis. Their reactions are about them and not about you so please try to see their hurt behind the reactions and respond with love.
Be compassionate towards yourself and others and please do open yourself up to using Star of Bethlehem to help you to heal any past or present hurts that you may or may not be aware of.
Much Love to all as we endeavour to heal ourselves for ourselves.
Lxx

Oh, I could go on and on and on but I think that will do for now.
On a little Bach Note, if anyone is still reading:
Bach Flower Remedies were probably the biggest miracle ever given to me. Their gentle healing has heped me to slowly return to the authentic soul that I am. They are always my first port of call for any negative emotion or ailment that I am experiencing. I know that I would never have been able to find myself in this happy reality that I now find myself, without them.
Much Love to all,
Lxxx

It's a daily dose of how to embrace life and how to (re) discover who you truly are. Your likes and dislikes, your aspirations, your creativity, your blocks to happiness and so much more.

The book has inspired me and with that inspiration came the idea of passing on some of Sarahs ideas through mixing them with Mindfulness, Meditation, Affirmations, Gratitude, Journaling and Quiet time. Of course, I can never run a course or workshop without introducing the Bach Flower Remedies and so they will be making an appearance in a day filled with hope and laughter (and perhaps a few tears) and those who join me will leave, at the end of our day together, with a mixture of remedies which they have chosen to help them on their journey towards living a more joyful life...because we are all worth it.

Those of you who have attended my courses before know that I start with a plan and then follow my intuition and so I cannot tell you what you will experience on August 15th but I can tell you that it will be exactly what you need.

Registration/Refreshments will be from 9.30 and the workshop will commence at 10am. The day will conclude between 4.30 and 5pm.

Lunch (soup and sandwiches suitable for vegetarians) will be provided in cost of £40 as will your chosen mixture of Bach Flower Remedies.

There will be little 'goodies' to purchase so bring along some 'fun-money'

To Book a place (limited) please email Linsey at info@bachflowerconsultsonline.com 

Looking forward to spending a lovely day with you at the Beautiful Gillis Centre in Edinburgh.

Lxxx

Reading over these words, I suspect I may need Larch again (for feeling I can't put myself out there in case I fail) and Pine (for feeling guilty for not pulling-my-weight)
Perhaps I will let you know in some future blog, how this all goes, but perhaps I will not.
Much Love,
Lxx

It was New Years day 1990 when I watched him take his last breath, in a small out-of-the-way room, in St Columbas hospice. Reflecting back to that day, I remember thinking that, in a hospice, there ought to have been a different place that a family could have been together, whilst a loved-one was preparing to leave them. A room with homely furniture and a kettle to make something hot to drink, to keep the chill from your heart. But that wasn't my experience in that unused, clinical room.

Twenty-five years on, I hope that there is now such a room, in the newly refurbished hospice and indeed in every hospice in existence.

New years day was a really crappy day for dad to die. I mean, he was a man who loved a New Years drink or twenty and I used to love going out on New Years day, with him, to go around all of his relatives houses. All the men would be funny and attentive and my dad would glow, from being with people who had known him his whole life. So, when he died on New Years day we all joked about how he was so unwilling to not party on New Years that he rushed the dying-bit, to get to the biggest New Year bash of them all.

It wasn't much fun for the rest of us, though. New Years Day. That day when you are supposed to be grateful and look forward to the coming year. How could we party on any New Years Day after the stunt he pulled? If we did, wouldn't people obviously think that we didn't care that he was dead? You are supposed, are you not, to be sad on the anniversary of a loved-ones death?

That's the place I found myself on subsequent New Years days for many years. I fitted into societys box, which dictates that you must be unhappy on the day that your father died otherwise you did not love him. Guilt for feeling the tiniest bit happy at New Year was huge for me and it was something that I was sure would never change.

But it has changed, even if it took so many more years than it might have, had I been further along my spiritual path than I was at twenty seven.

I don't wish to change the length of time that it took me to 'heal' from dads death. It's given me something to compare the grieving for my mum to.

Mum died in June 2009 but the exact date is already a bit hazy although I do know that it was late in the month and exactly one week after I walked the Edinburgh moonwalk with six friends. I know that because I was tying my shoelaces, to go on a celebratory short-walk and then have breakfast, when the phone-call came in from the hospital.

My mum was not in a hospice, she was recovering from 'frailty' in a general hospital ward. Yet, the experience of being with her that day, before she took her last breath, was poles apart from my experience with dad.

The nursing staff were very quietly, brilliantly compassionate and I hadn't felt that with the hospice nurses when dad was dying...which seems very odd to write down when the perception of general nurses is that they are too run of their feet these days to make time for 'extras' such as caring for families of the dying.

Perhaps I am remembering it wrongly and it was simply me who was different from one death to the next.

In 2009 I didn't feel the need to 'keep-it-together' whereas I felt I had no option but to do so in 1990. After all, I was a nurse and used to death and dying was I not? Actually no, I was not used to it at all. In all my twenty five plus years of nursing, I never, ever saw someone take their last breath. I hadn't even seen any cardiac arrests and I was seldom involved in huge drama, unlike many of my colleagues. Seeing healing take place, not dying, was my much preferred 'thing'

My parents are the only two people that I have watched die............twenty years apart. With dad, I was in 'nurse-mode' and very much in control of my emotions but when mum died,  I was most definitely and painfully in full 'daughter-mode'

I would recommend the latter for everyone for whilst it was emotionally devastating at the time, the healing process that followed was completed far quicker and much more easily than the former, controlled method of not allowing healing to take place at all.

I couldn't have done it any differently with dads death. I had not even begun to get prepared to lose him. He was only fifty-seven. I had zero coping mechanisms except that of thickening the already-present wall of protection around my heart which was used effectively in my role as a nurse but was an unhelful barrier in my personal life.

By the time of mums passing, I had given up nursing because I had torn down so much of that protective wall, through my desire to be a better wife and mother, that I was unable to resurrect it whilst I was at work.

Having done so much personal work to allow myself to be seen as less than perfect meant that when I saw my mum struggling to breath, in her hospital bed, I simply crawled onto the bed beside her, pulled her close and whispered through my tears that it was okay for her to go...and that I would be alright.

Even as I type this, I feel the upsurge of emotion that I felt that morning. The battle that raged in my head about whether I should allow myself to ask for support from my big brother or try to deal with what was happening to mum by myself?  Why was that even possible for me to debate?

The nurses were  very kind. They saw my tears and pulled the curtains around the bed with gentle words and caring smiles. They asked if they could call support for me and I told them I'd do it myself and I sent my brother a text because I knew that I wouldn't be able to speak to him without crying. He seemed to arrive quicker than was possible and I had never been more glad to see him or feel his arms close around me in a huge protective hug as I crumpled into another wave of tears. He would have guessed that things were bad because I don't think that he'd seen me cry, except at funerals, since we were kids.

Even as I fell apart, I was still unwilling to contact the 'wee-yin' to tell her to get herself in there. Inherantly I always felt responsible for protecting my siblings and I didn't relish seeing my sisters pain but my brother went outside and made the call to her. It would have been unfair, even in our desire to protect her, to have denied her the chance to say goodbye to our mother

Seeing her face, as she came into my mums room, I screamed inside as I tried to be oh-so-brave.....for her.

We didn't have long to wait around, after my sister arrived.

Mum had been moved into a lovely little side-room which had a cosy room next to it for family to sit in. It was a much nicer set-up than the cold, clinical room that dad had spent his last hours in.

When we were all there, my brother, sister and I, my mother left us. My brothers girlfriend who was also there, asked if she could open the window for mums spirit to leave. Whilst I know that it was likely symbolic, it was still a lovely gesture and one that felt right and I was grateful to her for suggesting it.

I cried profusely, on and off, for days and days and days....and some more days. I cried when my littlest sang at the funeral but somehow I managed to help her with her song when she faltered.

I have cried many times since my mum died, mostly when I hear a song that reminds me of her.

Big snow flakes falling make me cry because of one of my last memories of her.

I have cried several times whilst typing this piece and I know that I will cry many times in the future.

But, I know that my heart is pretty much healed from both my losses and to tell you that was supposed to be the point of this blog. I hoped by sharing my own experiences to encourage you to feel your grief fully and to allow your heart heal, without guilt for feeling happy on an anniversary or a holiday.

I hoped to compare more fully the twenty years of healing that were required by my younger, protected heart and the less than five years healing that were required by my older, open, spiritual heart but I think that I may have got a bit side-tracked.....and that's the way it is with my writing sometimes.

To tie this in with Bach Flower Remedies, all I will note here is that they were a huge part of enabling the changes within and outwith my heart and in my healing processes.

I will add that I believe that my father was very close to me yesterday and that today it has been my mother who's been near. I believe that our loved ones do not leave us except in their physical form. I believe that they are always close, to support and to encourage us to be all that we can be.

Sometimes that involves us doing things that we would never have dreamed of doing had they still been with us. If my father had not been terminally-ill and died I would not have met my husband or had my three beautiful children. It's as though dad had to leave for me to change direction.

I still have emotional tsunamis that hit me. They still have the same intensity as in the moment that my parents died but they are now very short-lived and infrequent. I have learned that they are healthy for me and that they will pass.

I started out writing this to be of support to others who may be struggling with loss, this January first 2015. In conclusion though, I think I may have just healed another little part of myself.

Much Love to all,

Lxx 

Pondering this emotional experience, whilst doing some heart-centred crochet, it dawned on me that I put the remedy Agrimony into my mix on Sunday.

Agrimony helps you to feel what you're hiding from yourself and others and so it really isn't surprising that I have allowed myself to write about how I'm feeling and showed my tears to folks today.

I am constantly amazed by these little remedies and how they work their magic. I wasn't even aware that I needed an emotional release. I had put myself on Agrimony because I was struggling to decline an invitation for Christmas Eve. I guess the Universe knew there were bigger reasons for adding it to my mix.

I have done a couple of consultations with teenagers this past week and Agrimony is a remedy that I am very aware of, when I speak with young people. They are so worried about being judged by others that it can feel like they are being tormented internally. They are so scared that their thoughts are bonkers that they don't share them with anyone. What they don't know is that most of their friends are doing a pretty great job at pretending that everything is 'fine' in their world because they are worried that their thoughts are unacceptable.

Allowing yourself to be honest with yourself and others feels like a really difficult risk to take and lots of people will never find a way to do it. I will be forever grateful for the gift of the Bach Flower Remedies which continue to help me, even when I don't know that I need help.

Feeling lost and lonely and vulnerable in my new life was obviously too difficult to admit to even myself until the Agrimony opened up a line of communication with myself, over the last couple of days. Whew. 

Gently things will balance out now and I will notice more and more that I am able to experience my emotions as they come, without trying to hide from them (consciously or unconsciously) 

So, the next time people are amazed at how well you are coping, have a wee dose or two of Agrimony and check in with yourself.......just to make sure that you are as okay as you are telling yourself you are.

Lxx

Lxxx

I have titled the post 'Teenagers' but the fact is that emotions are emotions and it doesn't matter what age you are. From a baby to the elderly, the emotions are the same but the situations causing them and the abilities to deal with them are different at each age. But they are also experienced uniquely and individually by each one of us.

Terror is Terror, whether it comes from the fact that you feel terrified at the thought of getting on a plane or terrified that you are going to be bullied at school. The emotion is the same but the situation is not.

The Bach Flower Remedy, Rock Rose is the remedy for terror and it helps you to be able to go through a situation without feeling frozen to the spot or sick to your stomach. It brings the fear down to a more manageable level. Once it is down, you then may want to use Aspen (for feeling anxiety around unknown situations like what'll happen today at school?) or Mimulus for a known fear (I have gym class and I feel scared of the bully who will be there) Rock Rose is in Rescue Remedy as is Cherry Plum and so it's a great gift to give a teenager, not only for them to have in their bag for 'emergencies' but also to be used regularly, to diminish terror and the feelings of being scared of losing control.

The Bach Flower Remedy, Cherry Plum is the remedy for those who feel like they may lose control and do/say something that they know they'll regret and that they would never do under 'normal' circumstances. Suicide comes into that category and, from my own personal experience of needing Cherry Plum, I felt that if I didn't do something to calm the irrational thoughts in my head, I may have done something to make them stop. Cherry Plum helps to calm the mind, settle the irrational thoughts and bring down the feelings of 'about to explode' and it works quickly.

Our most extreme feelings are the ones which respond the most quickly and sometimes even the first 'dose' of Rescue Remedy can be felt as a huge relief from the internal pressure of your mind. Unless you've experienced this relief, it's difficult to believe that something so simple can work.

I have come across three teenagers this week who have all identified the need for these two remedies and I suspect that on any given day, there are millions of teenagers who's feelings of terror and fear of losing control could be helped by giving them a few days or weeks of Bach Rescue Remedy.

Not present in the Rescue Remedy but a very important remedy that can help teenagers is the remedy Agrimony, which is for those who feel that they can't share how they truly feel because they are afraid of conflict and the judgements of others. Teenagers are not alone in feeling this but I think that the negative Agrimony state begins in childhood when we realise that being honest can cause others to react unfavourably and so we begin to pretend, so that we fit in. Agrimony helps you to tell others how you feel without worrying about their judgements or whether there will be conflicts. It also helps you to look at how you are feeling without trying to hide from any darkness inside by doing something to avoid unacceptable, difficult feelings. Taking drugs, alcohol, food or keeping yourself ultra busy can all be indications of you trying to avoid feeling your feelings. Agrimony can help a teenager to share their feelings which then brings in the help and knowledge of them not being alone or the only one to be thinking that way.

And finally, for now, the remedy Walnut. Ah, my most favourite remedy although it's not one which people often place high in importance. It is the remedy which helps you adapt to change. Change is the one constant in life (and I write about that often) and it can be very unsettling for teenagers. But as well as external change of changing teachers, schools, friends, a teenager has to cope with the physical and hormonal changes going on inside them and so it's no wonder that a lot of them get into trouble. They don't have the coping mechanisms of an adult or the freedoms of a child and so they struggle between wanting to be safe and protected and being independent. Walnut helps them to adapt to and cope with change without feeling unsettled by it. It also helps them to be strong in who they are and what they want, without allowing others, who may be stronger, to interfere with them and pull them from their path. I like to call it the protector and I certainly use it myself when I know that I am going to be around strong-minded people, to maintain my own power.

Hopefully this blog has been helpful. I am sure that I have written on these remedies before and there are many more which can help the individual teenager to feel better.......but that's another times blog.

Much love, 
Lxxx

Throughout my nursing career, it took the form of knitting and now it's like I have come full circle and want to re-embrace my writing of stories. 
Perhaps, more importantly, I want to write to 'heal'.

I have healed myself with Reiki, meditation and of course my Bach Flower Remedies and I can now pass my knowledge of this healing on to others through writing about my own experiences-thus the increase in Blog posts in here.

I know that my online consultations have been a part of the rediscovery of my love of writing. With gentle, kind and caring words, I can help a person to identify and acknowledge their emotions and help them to choose Bach Flower remedies which will help them to heal and move forward in their lives.

My desire to write a kind of 'Bach Agony Aunt column' just keeps presenting itself through my meditations and I do believe that it would be my dream job, combining writing with healing. For now though, I'm simply answering one Bach Flower Remedy question each Monday, on my bachflowerconsultsonline.com Facebook page (check it out)

I believe that if a person is doing something that they love, in service of others, then that is their lifes purpose. I love everything about my writing about how Bach Flower Remedies help people and so I think that my lifes purpose just may be becoming clearer.

That said, I am taking Scleranthus and Cerato, to try to help me to attract that certain decision about my future 'direction' because I am also loving working with a lovely, elderly gentleman who suffers from Alzheimers and I have my Reiki and meditation experience just sitting on the sidelines, patiently waiting for people to heal.

Mmm? Perhaps a few more days of meditation and remedies and it'll all click into place.....a wee bit of everything perhaps, like in Edinburgh?

We shall see :-)

Love to all and any advice will be gladly received whilst my own instincts will be trusted in my final decisions.

Lxxxx

Lxx

Good morning, my friend,
I just had to send you a wee note about what happened to me last night, after reading your ipad story.
I had just read a FB post on parenting/discipline and rather than put a big 'rant' on the post, I posted that it had sparked my urge to write about it and that I would post a link later.
And so I started to write...and write, pouring out my heart about my experience of both being parented, watching/judging parenting and then finding my way into parenting. I even wrote that a new mum, very recently, called me an amazing mom......progress for someone who retreats from saying anything which may be construed as conceited.
As i got closer to the ending, I was thinking that perhaps this would be my first magazine article. After all, it was from my heart and soul, when 'poof' (your word) my screen froze......wh..a..at?
I tried several things (including banging the whole flippin' keyboard) to no avail. Jen googled Toshiba help (thank goodness my Blackberry was working and gets FB) and offered several pieces of advice. Bill was in the conversation and offered calm support but nothing worked. Not a thing I tried made the cursor appear or anything on my laptop work.
I poured myself a glass of wine and took a sip......and shut off the power, knowing that the piece had not been saved, As an invigilater, the thing you keep reminding the kids, through their I.T exams is 'Save your work'....it's the number 1 rule and I broke it and paid for it with the loss of my beautiful story.
A few tears squeezed themselves out and I (for the first time in my adult life) screamed out loud before taking some Gentian (to recover from a setback) and Vine (need to be in control) and within 2 minutes, I was giggling at myself and had let it go. I joked with Bill and Jen that the article must have been really bad if the Universe had deleted it and my higher self knew that it had happened for a reason.
Perhaps it was to show me how I still need to be in control and that wine is still a 'pull' when I feel angry and not in control? I was aware, when I poured it that it would not change the situation any. I have made such progress with my emotional acceptance and observations though and that one glass of wine lasted all evening and I didn't want or need another. The 'old' me would have punished myself, with lots more, trying to numb the anger....at myself for being so stupid as to not save my work. Don't worry, the stupid word is a past reference. I'm not stupid.....I did a non-mindful thing and will hopefully remember, in future, to save my work.......although, if it was that bad, maybe I oughtn't bother-lol.
Just thought you'd appreciate the story.....and hope that your work was saved. Mine tends to be, if my power runs out but obviously not when the Universe has other plans for it.

We are all very good at giving ourselves a hard time. We spend loads of time helping others (husbands, kids, friends, family, clients) and yet, when someone asks us whether or not we are using out Reiki, remedies, meditation etc for ourselves.......we often as not are not.

Luckily, at the moment I am using all the tricks in my toolbox to help me to move forward with my writing. I do need to make up another bottle which contains Holly and Pine, though because I found myself mind-reading with Bill last night.

He sounded quiet.

He sounded fed-up.

He sounded like he was hiding the fact he had a cold, from me.

He didn't say that any of those things were going on....I imagined it, perhaps justifying my imagination by calling it 'intuition'.

The truth is, I was feeling guilty because he's working extra to keep two houses running and I'm sitting on my rear-end writing....and loving it. And so, I imagined that he was feeling resentful of those facts and thinking to himself that I should be getting a real job to help....and perhaps he is.

But I don't know that and there is no point in my beating myself up for something that may not exist. And so, I will make up some new remedies (the plants got the last of mine this morning) containing Holly (for suspicion) and Pine (for feeling guilty) and keep on with my Scleranthus and Cerato for my decisions-making. Mmm? What else?

Lxx

So, today, after meditation, I decided that I would put out some feelers for work in the writing arena. I love to write and will write about pretty much anything that I'm interested in or have experience in. Writing this blog is a bit of a break from my investigations and deliberations and, when I signed in and saw the title-space, I pondered which remedies I'm needing, to put in that space.

I have just signed up to a freelance writers website but when I went into the 'apply for jobs' tab, it stated that I needed to upgrade my membership to apply-don't you just hate when you've wasted time signing up for a 'free' something that turns out to be useless unless you pay for it? So, I was debating 'will I/won't I ?' when I saw my website-tab was open and decided to come in here and write, to clear my head and 'poof' the title box helped me to decide to take the remedies for decision-making.

Scleranthus is a great remedy for that 'will I/won't I?' type of decision. You know, the one where you have 2 options and both have their positives and you swing back and forth between the choices. Red dress vs black dress; John vs Jack; Heinz beans vs Branston beans; Win vs no wine....you get the idea.

Bill has often joked about leaving me with 2 tins of beans in my hands and going off to do the rest of the grocery-shop to return to find me in the same spot, trying to make a decision. Now that story seems familiar and apologies if you have been subjected to it several times before. It maybe is just a deja vu which is another hint for a remedy that I am needed at this present time. I will finish with the decision-makers first, tho'.

Back to Scleranthus (which looks scarier than it actually sounds) and it can be very helpful in making that choice between 2 things. It can also be very helpful, if you are having mood swings (even your mood can't decide what it wants to do) Hot flushes (your temp keeps swinging from one extreme to the other) or your appetite has a mind all of it's own in that one day you feel like you could eat a scabby horse compared to the previous day where you wanted nothing at all to eat.

All forms of indecision......just that your body isn't often given that kind of interpretation.

Cerato is a different kettle of fish......ones who are swimming around in the decision they know that they want to make but they are just not brave enough to make it....without someone else agreeing that it's the right move. This can lead to time-wasting and also wrong decisions being made because, if a stronger personality keeps telling you that their idea is better, then your lack of trust in your gut instincts will lead you to become dissatisfied after you do the 'wrong' thing for you. That has happened to me on many occasions and I don't want it to happen around this new world of mine which is totally mine and nobody elses to run.

Hornbeam is the remedy for those who are stuck in a rut (hardly me) or bored (not me either) or who procrastinate (I battle with that one) or who wake up more tired than they felt when they went to bed (bing) or who experience a lot of deja vu (thats me) and who get tired at the thought of doing certain things (double bing) For me, Hornbeam usually helps me to take the mundane things (laundry, dusting, shopping) and change them from being 'this again' to being totally emotionless and sometimes even enjoyable.

And, on that note, I am going to go make myself a mix and go to the bank (which I've been putting off for absolutely no good reason) and decide what I am going to make us for dinner. I am also going to decide which projects to plow my energies into.

Maybe I just needed a break from my 'usual' today or perhaps the few inquiries I have sent out may yield a miracle. My affirmation concludes its 21 days today, so the universe has something to 'cough up'....with my help, of course.

Love to all of you and 'Happy decision-making', folks.

Lxxx

As the title suggests, life is now being lived in Etobicoke, which is part of the Greater Toronto area (GTA) and our new home is approx 40 mins from downtown Toronto itself.

I lived here for 6 years, from 1985 and loved almost every minute of it. It feels as much like home as Edinburgh does to me and yet I feel even more relaxed here to be who I truly am.

As I grew up, I became a persona of someone who I felt the world would like/love....the younger me had a great need to be loved. Once you 'set' that persona, it's who those around you expect you to be and you feel that you really cannot let them see who you really are because you will be rejected.

And so we go on pretending.

Being far away from those who have known me the longest is freeing somehow. I love my sister and brother very very much but even they struggle to believe that I am not the persona that I have portrayed for these last 35-40 years.

It took me years to convince my husband of the fact that I was really quite an introvert-in fact, by definition, I am the perfect closet-introvert. I have hugely over-compensated for being so, over my adult life.

When I think about things that I have done to make me forget how scared/insignificant/inferior I was truly feeling, it's like seeing an opposite-version of myself.

I don't regret anything that I've done in my life because it has all lead to this point. This point of being able to reveal to the world my insecurities about finding my place in it. The coming weeks are to be spent devoting myself to writing about things I have learned on this journey called life. At this precise moment, I'm not 100% sure what will present itself for sharing with the world.

I do know that I was given a love of writing and of healing and I know that I am supposed to be using this love to create the job that never needs a holiday. My latest notion is to approach multiple magazines to see if they'd like me to do a wee Bach Agony Aunt column.....and that feels great. A little part of me was going to keep it a secret until I manifested it, just in case someone else stole my idea.

The truth is, if it's meant to be, it will be. I could reach so many more people about Bach, if I could answer back to peoples problems, in plain view of other people who were going through a similar trial. It's a bit like Bach consults online for the world, right?

So, on that note, I'm going to wind up and add it to my list of things to investigate once my hubbie returns to Edinburgh tomorrow. I promised him that I would be earning enough money, doing a job that I love, so that he could give up a job that he definitely does not love.....very soon.

Hope this finds you all well and happy and, if not, get in touch for a consultation because I could use the work-lol.

Much love,

Lxxxx

Technology and I have a bit of a love/Hate relationship, if I'm honest. I love the speed with which I can discover something online and also the instant contact that I can make with people. I'm not so chuffed with the whole being constantly connected idea in general though and I think that we will see our young folk suffering from stress at a much younger age, if something is not done to stem-the-tide of multi-tasking.

Multi-tasking is one of the things that sets us humans above the rest of the animal kingdom but it really can become a bit of a problem when the multi-tasking turns into mindless auto-pilot. At that point, our awareness of what we're multi-tasking becomes diminished and we are often unable to remember how we got somewhere or how we did something or where we put something or that we were supposed to be somewhere different from usual.

Lots of people, during middle-age, begin to feel the effects of too much multi-tasking and find themselves forgetful and anxious. My concern is that our young people will experience this in their 20's and 30's if they don't regularly fit in some quiet mindfulness into their lives.

Most of the people I work with are suffering from the effects of, for want of a better term, an overactive imagination.........and not in a good way. They are either:

A. Feeling depressed because they are spending too much time in the past, wishing they'd done something differently or said something better or had something different happen. Having regrets will not bring the opportunity to change what happened. It will still have happened. All we can do is accept that what is in the past is in the past and change how we'll do things in the future. If it's not something that we've done that we want to change, we have to bravely make the choice to forgive whatever/whoever is causing the regrets and move forward. I'm not saying that it's the easiest path but I am convinced that it's the path to the happiness that we all deserve to experience. Letting go of the past with all it's loss, guilt, anger, resentment, shame and control are all possible with the help of Bach flower remedies. They can help to bring you into the present moment to feel what's real at this moment.......which may be anything from sadness to fear......and to allow you to accept these feelings for what they are, which in turn will allow you to pass through them and out of the other side.

B. Feeling anxious because they are spending too much time worrying about a future that may never happen. If you are imagining the worst case scenario and it happens, you've actually lived it at least twice and often more times than that. Bringing your imagination back from the future to the present minute can help reduce anxious thoughts if you are someone who labels themselves as a worrier. Being able to experience the present moment allows you to feel what needs felt right now, whatever that is. Feeling your feelings for right now and accepting that they will pass whether they are good or bad ones, again is not the easiest path but it will help you to feel less anxious and out of control.

As I type, I'm sitting in a noisy space in a Hotel. Some peoples voices are just sooooooo loud. There are lots of people here and yet I was unaware of any voices until a couple sat down on the opposite side of the bar.....far away. And yet I can hear every word that they are saying. Why would you want everyone in the place to know exactly what you are saying? Beech, I need some Beech and I do not have my remedy box here. I know that my remedy bottle does not have it in but I think that I do have Cherry Plum, so better glug some. Okay, that's done. I suppose it could be partially to do with the fact that I'm on my third Latte and the caffeine may be having an effect.........Mmmmmm??

Okay, back to remedies that keep us in the present. White Chestnut helps you to switch off thoughts that are going round and round in your head. Whether they are thoughts about things in the past or in the future, it will help to quieten the worries or repetition. Aspen is the remedy for fears of an unknown origin and if you are someone who feels anxious when there is an unknown element about the future, this remedy will help diminish that. Clematis is the remedy for those who daydream about the future and all that it holds (good or bad) but who find it difficult to stay in the present to make anything actually happen, in reality. Clematis helps you to get started on a list and make things happen. Honeysuckle is the remedy which is almost the opposite because it helps to bring your thoughts back from the past to the present. Good or bad thoughts can have the emotion taken out of them so that they are just memories with no emotional hold over you. Red Chestnut is the remedy for those who spend too much time being over-concerned with the safety of their loved ones or those who they are responsible for. This remedy helps you to let go of fears and allow yourself to feel supportive of people rather than scared for them.

There are loads of other remedies that I could mention. Pine for being stuck in guilt, Holly for being stuck in anger, Willow for being stuck in resentments but I am having to wind up.

The loud people are still loud. They must want everyone to know about the big important people that are coming here to attend their big important event...............UGH.

For those of you who think that I am always balanced and non-judgemental......this is proof that I am just as able to feel negative emotions as you are. My saving grace is that I have my remedy box which lets me take the remedy which quickly balances the emotion so that I don't have to keep feeling negative.

Lesson learned.......take the remedy box EVERYWHERE.

Sending out lots of love to one and all,

Lxxx

Happy Saturday,

Lxx

Much love, Lxxx

Whenever we are on holiday, I try to put a chair beside a window, to enjoy the scenery whilst I am having my first coffee in the morning and for when I am spending time reading.

Our kitchen is large but we have had it arranged so that there was no space to put a comfy chair........until Thursday when I exited my front room, after seeing a client, to find my hubbie peering over the banister with a suspicious grin on his face. Joining him upstairs, I discovered that he had moved the kitchen- computer into the small (not presently occupied) bedroom. Going back downstairs to the kitchen, I instantly thought about the space, left by the absent computer desk, being perfect for my comfy chair.

So, as I type this (on my mobile) I have just finished my first coffee, in my comfy chair, beside my patio doors. Aahh...... Already I have seen a squirrel bounce across the grass and the wind is wildly blowing the branches of the many bushes and trees in my garden and beyond. The many assorted clouds are zipping across the blue sky as if they were in a real hurry to get somewhere and the sound of a coo-ing dove reminds me of vacations long ago, in Kelso, with my family. I used to take myself down to the river and find a place in the trees and just sit there listening to that very sound. It's a memory that's always evoked when I hear a dove. I used to dream away the hours-perhaps it was simply that I needed space from my parents and siblings who were in the small caravan that we owned? I do know that I am someone who needs lots of alone-time, even from those I love dearly.

Having this chair here will no doubt allow the memories of all the chairs that I have moved, during happy holidays with my own children, to surface on a daily basis and that will be lovely. The other great thing is that I think I will wake up quicker by drinking my coffee in this 'new' morning-position. Who knows, maybe I will only need 20 mins to get going rather than the half-hour that I factor in?

Also, I will be able to come sit here to read instead of going into the front room and that will be fab. I can curl right up in this chair and it will feel instantly wonderful just as it did when I sat down here this morning.

Amazing that one small change may have a dramatic amount to offer.

Do you have something that you have longed for that is only a small change away?

Like me, could you move a chair into a space that would be perfect to get the best 'peace' that you could ask for?

This corner of my kitchen will be known as 'mum's corner', very quickly. Do you have a space that could take on your identity? A spot where as soon as you sit down, you feel at home, at peace with yourself and the world. If not, perhaps it's something that you'd like to arrange. I can highly recommend it.

And finally (because I am a Bach practitioner) Agrimony is in my mix, just now. It's the remedy which helps you to say/do what you really want to, without being scared of conflict/judgement. Often I wouldn't have made any changes without asking my hubbie first but I did my chair-move all by myself because it's what I wanted to do and if he doesn't approve, I am sure that I can calmly put forward my reasons for doing so. The most important reason being that I did it for me.  

Lots of love to All. Lxx

I'm not even sure that I've got anything to say on this blog. I opened the laptop and knew that I had to log in but that's as much as I know.

Life is great. I continue to be open to what's coming next whilst enjoying all that I have at the moment. My need for self-improvement seems to have gone and I am now accepting of all that I am and hope to continue my progress towards being 'more of me'.

I read, recently, that if you're continually wanting to improve yourself then you're not really accepting how wonderful you already are. Thinking in terms of 'being more' of who you are is better because it shows acceptance and openness to being all that you are.

Remedy-wise, I am taking Water Violet as a single. Water Violet is for people who appear proud and aloof and who feel disconnected from or better than others. I've always found it a difficult remedy to describe whilst being convinced that at my core, this may be my type remedy. I have spent so much of my life burying who I truly am that I have taken a very long time to work through all of the many layers of pretence, with the Bach remedies.

I think that my work may be almost done and I am curious to see how the Water Violet experiment will go. I know that I do often feel that I am somehow different to other people and I am hopeful that this feeling will disappear. I am aware that my perception of being different is just that.........my perception.

Watch this space. Hopefully I will begin to write with a bit more regularity and there will be insights to pass on.

Keeping this one short s it's now dinner-time and I know that if I don't post this now, it'll get missed.

Sending much love out to all. I am still meditating and affirming daily and will write about that next time....if I remember. Lxxx

May I be Happy
May I be Peaceful
May I be Free of suffering
May Everyone be Happy
May Everyone be Peaceful
May Everyone be Free of suffering.

The idea is that you bring your attention to your breath and spend a minute breathing in and out each line. If everyone in the world did this, just for that minute, the world would be at peace.
So, pass this on. Make some little postcards. I drew hearts and Angels on mine. Tap into your creative side and see what 'doodle' is asking to be seen.

May you all be Happy
May you all be Peaceful
May you all be free from suffering.

Lxx

Happy Tuesday folks,

Lxx

What you will learn - Indian Head Massage;

(NO previous massage training is required to attend this course)

-The history, background and the benefits of IHM.

-Chakra energy centres and a basic introduction to anatomy and physiology.

-Massage techniques - the power of touch (demonstration and practise)plus the full, basic massage routine (demonstration and practise in stages)

-An introduction to aromatherapy oils, crystals and colour for treatments.

-Precautions - general and contraindications for treatments.

-Self-care for relaxation and balancing stress.

-Introduction to relaxation and meditation techniques.

This course runs for 2 days which gives you ample time to learn and practise the Indian Head Massage routine. Included in the course is meditation, which is a great tool to support your own self-healing and help you feel less anxious about learning. During the course, students realise that there is the added benefit of receiving treatments throughout the weekend and find themselves very relaxed and chilled by the end of day 2!

Course dates 2013:

Level 1: 4th/5th May, 21st/22nd Sept and 16th/17th Nov
Costs - £175 (deposit of £55 to confirm place) which includes full training, a course-manual and follow-up support by telephone or email, with Dee.

On completion of Level 1, you can opt to attend Level 2 of our training programme and gain a diploma certificate which allows you to practise as an IHM therapist.

Level 2: 25th May, 7th Sept and 30th Nov.                                                                                                       Cost: £185 (deposit of £55 to confirm place)

All Classes are held at Tao Clinic in the West End of Edinburgh

More information from dee@deetaylortherapies.co.uk  or call 077 477 06053 

On Friday, I felt grouchy (love that word) and tired and out of sorts. It may have been linked to Andrew going home on Tuesday but it was more likely due to the (almost) bottle of wine I drank on Thursday evening. Drinking a bottle of wine is not unusual for me and those of you who know me personally or through my blogs will know that decreasing my wine-consumption is an ongoing challenge of mine.

My current strategy involves daily meditation (through Oprah and Deepaks 21 day challenge) and drinking from a small glass, rather than my normal large ones. My aim, as always, is to accept wine-drinking as part of my life and to give it no energy, through conscious thought, whatsoever. I am ever-edging my way towards that goal. The (smaller) glass that I am using is the last-remaining crystal one that my dads initials are engraved on. That, in itself is no coincidence. My dad struggled with his alcohol intake for many years although in his case, it was whiskey.

Going back to my grouchiness on Friday, the problem wasn't having the wine but was probably the having it after receiving a wonderfully healing massage. Now, I full well know that massage can release all sorts of stuff and yet I disregarded the 'no alcohol afterwards' advice without a second thought. Why?

Something inside me is still very defiant towards rules, especially if they involve my perceived control of myself by something or someone. My head quickly goes into a 'don't tell me what to do' mode and I do the opposite. Not all the time, granted and less and less with each passing year, admittedly. This is my forward progress and I am curious about where I will find myself when I give up the need for control completely.

I love my life.

For the most part, I am now genuinely that person that people get to see and not a projection of who I think I should be. Bach flower remedies, meditation and Reiki have all helped me to get here. I am also grateful for the great love that is my husband and our 3 beautiful children. They teach me more than I could ever teach them and accept me completely, inside and out. Thanks guys.

As for the battle with wine? Watch this space....................again !

Sending much love out to you all on this rainy (what's new) Sunday in Edinburgh. Lxx

Lxxx

With my belief system, I know that my body is trying to tell me something. The only problem is that I have no clue what. Having a look online, I went for the first listing which guided me to a website called Turtle Healing Energy and whilst I haven't explored it fully (ie, can't tell you why the title is as it is-does she heal turtles?), the posting on Erikas blog agreed with my belief that my body is trying to tell me something. And she writes in a lovely easy to read fashion. I will check out the rest of the site later but know that an hour will pass if I start browsing now.

Concluding that thought and belief, I will meditate on it after I finish typing this. I suspect the shoulder thing is about letting go some kind of burden and the foot thing might be a resistance of some sort to the direction I am going in but I will let you know if anything definitive crops up. Hopefully, I will be shown some emotion that's a bit out of kilter and give myself the appropriate remedy.

This week, I went for a holistic massage which included the use of hot stones. It was fantastic and was from Charlene at calmamassage.co.uk If you are looking for a wee christmas pressie idea, I can highly recommend her.

Of course, I highly recommend me for Christmas, as well-tee hee. I do offer gift vouchers for Reiki, Bach Remedies or a combination. To be perfectly honest, most people who come for a Reiki session end up going away with a remedy mix, so a Reiki session is your best option :-)

Isn't it great, the way we get distracted from task. I went looking for Charlenes website so that I could post the link here

www.calmamassage.co.uk and I ended up on facebook to 'like it' and you know what happens when you go on facebook. Yep-an hour later, you remember why you went in there in the first place.

I don't often go into facebook just for the sake of it. I usually have a mission and the 'lost hour' is the reason why. There is just so much to see in there and one page leads you to the next, leads you to the next........and so on.

I would like to become a more disciplined person, one of these days. Not a huge big strictness level, for myself but perhaps just a little bit more structured. I knew that running my own business would be an adventure because of my liking of flexibility and it sometimes feels like I allow myself too much freedom and forget about all the wonderful things that I am meant to be accomplishing for myself, my family and for the world in general. It's not that I am feeling guilty for sitting here typing (because that's part of 'the job') but I do occasionally get a sense of my avoiding destiny or at least taking the long road there.

Today I am meeting with my first 'Calm Kids' case study and I am both hopeful and nervous, in equal measures. I am not anxious about my ability to work with teenagers, in meditation nor am I nervous that she will take an instant dislike to me. Nope, my nerves are around my being truly able to help this young person cope with her life more easily and to find happiness within herself every day. And I believe that I can do that..............boy, that sounds awfully big-headed (as my mother would say)

If I do help this youngster as well as I believe that I can, I will not be able to hide, from myself, the 'being good at it' and that 'being good' at something is still difficult for me to feel, despite the knowing. Does that make any sense? Re-reading it, it sounds double dutch but I will leave it anyhow.

What I suppose I am trying to say is that I still need Larch and Pine to balance out the obviously very old and engrained layer of feelings of low self-worth/self esteem that I am currently working on. I didn't expect it to shift overnight but it is surprising me that it is so resistant to my efforts towards self-love.

Which brings us full circle back to the reason why I am having massage :-) whew-long-winded or not.

Have a happy rest of the week.......and beyond,

Lxxx

My lesson, during Andrews first few months in Canada, was that I didn't send him with enough variations of mixes (plus I forgot to send him with Honeysuckle for homesickness-oops) I thought that I had all of Jens 'usual suspects' (and the honeysuckle) covered, when I left her in Saskatoon 6 weeks ago but there were more lessons to be learned, as a practitioner and as a mother. In her time there, I have mailed a remedy-mix and also sent a box of 10 different remedies, to try to help her get a handle on her feelings. Despite this, because her mood is changing so fast that she (never mind me) can't keep up with it, she is moving on to stay with her cousins in Vancouver for a while, where she will decide whether to get a job for a few months or to come home.

My emotions, during her turmoil, have been unaffected. Seriously. She was feeling guilty for disappointing me and for always letting me see her upset so Pine (for feeling guilty and responsible for things that you shouldn't) was one of the 10 remedies I sent to her, to stop the "sorrys." I kept telling her to not worry about worrying me because it was all good inside my head and this was not me just being kind-it was true.

So, imagine my surprise this morning, when I dissolved into a big bunch of sobs. "What's this all about" was short-lived because I quickly realised that it was about my sense of failing her. If I had better-prepared her OR if I had got the remedies right OR if I had done a better job of parenting OR if I had had a chat with her employers about how best to handle her OR if I had skyped less (or more) with her OR if I hadn't encouraged her to try it OR.............well, the list is endless but the sobs will end.

And so I have turned to the remedy Pine because there is nothing that I can do to change what she has just lived through. There is absolutely no point in my feeling guilty about what I could have done differently in her life or in the past 6 weeks and so I have to let it go and move forward with the lessons tucked into my heart and soul to perhaps bring out when Alison leaves home.

I am a good person, deserving of good things. I have done things, in my life, that I would not repeat but that I cannot change. I have used Pine extensively in my early Bach years, to help my self esteem/worth and to let go of all that I felt guilty of. It is a wonderful remedy to help you to move forward, knowing that you did what you had to do, at the time and that you can choose to learn from it but not to continually punish yourself for it. Because of all my usage of it, I reckon that the couple of doses I have had, this morning, are already helping me let go of the tsunami that hit me an hour ago. By the end of today (or tomorrow) I will again feel that I did what I was meant to do and move forward with Jen.

Irrational thoughts can take over in a split second, if the emotion triggered isn't fully balanced and often it is because the situation is mirroring a past situations emotions. This came into play last week for me and I will quickly mention my need, use and gratitude for the remedy Red Chestnut.

I am not a parent who constantly worries about the wellbeing of my kids. I think that it comes from my faith and beliefs (and perhaps from being a paediatric nurse) but occassionally I have needed to use Red Chestnut which is the remedy for 'overconcern for others' and last week was one of those times. Alison was complaining of a headache behind her eye which was worse when she moved her head round to the side or when she looked up. Instantly I thought of my dads brain tumour and made an appointment at the optician rationalising that she hadn't had her eyes checked for a couple of years whilst feeling the underlying anxiety. This anxiety was compounded when the optician told me that her eyes were fine and that she would send a note to the GP and to make an appointment for Alison in a couple of days time. She then got Ali' to do a peripheral eye exam which further sent me down the anxiety spiral as I listened to her answer 'not sure' on too many occassions-EEEEEK. However, as we walked to the car she said that she could't see properly because of the way the machine was and that she was guessing most of the time....Mmmmmmmmm. So, by the time I got home I was already having her in Sick kids, having her op' and I confessed to Bill that it was like deja vu and I needed to get it in check. A few doses of Red Chestnut and I was forgetting to worry and have not thought about it all weekend....till now and with these thoughts, I think that I will go mix the Red Chestnut and Pine because the Drs appointment is tonight despite the fact that I haven't heard a complaint from her since the opticians.

So, That's my story for today. One that I felt compelled to share. No point in talking the talk to people about sharing your angst, if I'm not prepared to walk the talk. These were just a couple of examples of how an emotion can hit us with full-force from out of the blue, often linking us with past feelings from events long-gone but sometimes not emotionally forgotten.

For my girls:

Alison-I seriously don't think that you have a brain tumour. Your grandad didn't even have a headache :-) 

Jen-you have not made me feel like a failure. I did that all by myself and am dealing with it :-) 

.............and Andrew-'cause you usually read this. I am ever the 'fruitcake' mum.

Love you all, Mxx

and that wraps it up for today folks.

Have a wonderful day

Lxx

Firstly, please let me know if you’d rather not receive these ‘newsy’ emails and I will remove your name from the group. I won’t be offended-lots of you have had no contact from me since my last newsletter which was...................sooooo long ago that even I can’t remember.

In brief, my house became very quiet when Alison went off to 3rd year at school this morning. Andrew and Jennifer are now off living life in Canada but don’t be fooled into thinking that it’s great that they are together...........they are a 4 hour plane ride apart. However, at least they only have a 2 hour time-difference and so can talk without it being a horrible time for one of them-a small bonus for Jennifer who has been hugely homesick. If it wasn’t for the Bach Flower remedies, I think she would have already returned home but her good days now outnumber her bad ones and I know that she’ll be great. The Bach Flower Remedies also help me to adapt and adjust to them being gone. Chicory is the most wonderful remedy to help you let your children/loved ones go without having any expectations of them. I used it hugely the first time Andrew left home and again when he decided to return to Canada to live, closely followed by his sister, who is trying it out for a year. I am not kidding you when I say that I am happy for their adventures and that I don’t sit around (emotionally) missing them. We all have our lives to live and it’s true that, if you love someone, you must let them go and Chicory helps you to do that, knowing that your happiness lies inside you-not with them. So, if you are ever feeling ‘needy’ and don’t want to, remember Chicory. Incidentally, Jennifer is also using Chicory (alongside Honeysuckle, for longing for the past and Walnut, to help her adapt to change) because she is feeling very needy of me

I continue to work as a Bach Practitioner and a Reiki healer and to also teach both therapies. I still love what I do and know that I am lucky in this respect. I have also discovered that I love helping people discover a bit of mindfulness through meditation/relaxation. I did a 6 week block of increasing daily meditations/affirmations/inspirational reading, which actually took me 10 weeks without ever managing to do the week 6 (something to revisit at some point) But, despite not completing the programme, it made such a big difference to how I felt that I wanted to pass on what I had learned and am doing so through Adult Education, which makes it accessible to loads of folk. I was a wee bit curious as to how I would manage with a bigger class (a dozen) but my fairly recent discovery of Larch (for confidence) made the class easy. Larch came to me in a lightbulb moment, in the Spring when I realised that my ‘self-diagnosed’ fear/shyness was actually a lack of confidence-not something I had recognised despite my vast use and knowledge of Bach. My usual Mimulus never fully took my quivering voice or nerves away but using Larch did-yippee. Knowing that the lightbulb was lit by daily meditations (having the word Larch keep coming along) and my affirming ‘I am confident’ 20 times daily (Mmmmm-if I was already confident, why would I need to affirm it ??) is a positive result to pass on to others who may be looking to understand their emotions better and it fuels my desire to help them to do just that. Even now, I am still on a journey of self-discovery with my Bach Remedies and I am looking forward to the next penny-dropping.

Gratitude is another tool that I have been using to help me to feel happier and more positive and it really works wonders. I begin my day by saying thank you, before I get out of bed.........even on the ugh mornings and goodness knows I still am not a morning-person. Saying thank you for every tiny good thing that happens just encourages more good things to happen and your attitude grows more and more positive. When I find myself getting pulled into a ‘what next’ negative spiral (you know, when 2 or 3 things have gone wrong?) I use the remedy Gentian which helps to break the negative expectation and returns me to being positive. I wish that everyone had the gift of remedies to lift them up when they are struggling............so I really need to get on the road with teaching their benefits to as many people as possible. I have already just given a wee mini tut’ on 6 of the 38.

So, Courses that I know I am teaching for the fall and winter (so far)

Meditation/relaxation ‘Anyone can Meditate’ Sun mornings 11-12 noon from Sept 23rd at www.leith.edin.sch.uk

Reiki Level 2 at Edinburgh Academy Junior School on Sun 16th Sept. Book either through www.bachflowerconsultsonline.com or www.ilovefgt.com

Reiki Level 1 in East Edinburgh on Sat 27th Oct. Book through www.bachflowerconsultsonline.com

Bach Level 1 (Calm for Christmas) in East Edinburgh on Fridays 9-12 x 4 weeks from 23rd Nov. Book through www.bachflowerconsultsonline.com

And if anyone would like to learn Reiki, Bach or Meditation but my current dates don’t suit, Please get in touch via info@bachflowerconsultsonline.com because I am happy to teach 1:1 or 2:1 and will set a date to suit.

Sending many positive thoughts your way on this lovely summer day and hope that this finds you in a good place. If not, remember that Bach (and Reiki and meditation) can help you to Enjoy life and that you are worth it.

Much love,
Lxx (Linsey)

Summer is around the corner (honest) and for those of you who are scared that Edinburgh has already had it's good weather quota for 2012, don't waste your time. Weather is just that-weather. It's an external element which is outwith our control and we must try to be happy despite what is happening on the barometer.
I agree that the sunshine is wonderful and I love to wake up with a blue sky above me but I am striving to not let my happiness depend on anyone or anything.
Bet you thought I had abandoned my daily meditations ? (And my blog, for that matter) Nope, in fact my own practice has led me to be leading others in a weekly hour of 'how to meditate' based on a couple of books I have found helpful and my own experiences.
I feel like I am exactly where I am meant to be and my mood (most of the time) is positive and (dare I say) Happy.
I credit this to my continued use of the Bach Flower remedies, Reiki and of course, my newly found mindfulness (acquired through the help of meditation)
The Bach remedy Larch has been a huge helper this last few weeks. I had never recognised my need for this remedy, which is for lacking confidence but I now clearly see that I did. I had regularly used Mimulus, which is for being scared but am now able to understand that there was a big 'I can't' going on inside me and Larch seems to have strengthened my nerves immensely.
Isn't it weird how a lightbulb can suddenly go on and this one did, through my practice of daily meditation and also through writing down daily affirmations. Why would I be affirming 'I am confident' 20 times daily if I already was ?
Mmmmmmm? Lightbulb moments indeed :-)
My visit to Canada is just around the corner and I am soooo looking forward to a big bear-hug from Andrew. We will get to spend 4 full days with him, when we arrive, on a mini-road trip to Boston. The mileage isn't mini but the time is and it will be worth it for the boys to get into Fenway Park to see the Red Sox. Actually, I am looking forward to that myself although I may not admit it to the menfolk.
Jennifer won't be coming home with us as she is off to try out Saskatchewan for a year (to begin with) where she will be working for my friend Lynns niece. Amy has 2 little ones that Jen is going to help look after and, when I look at Amys 3 yr old little girl, I am transported back to the Christmas of 1983 when Amy looked exactly like her-scary. Lynn and I have been 'penfriends' for almost 40 years-eek and she is probably the person in this world that knows me best. How easy it always was to pour out my heart to her, on paper and pop it in the post box. She never judges me and I cherish our friendship like a treasured possession. I have known for a very long time that our friendship was not just for us but for our children and perhaps their children. Canada has always been in my soul and with 2 of my 3 children about to be settled there, I can hear the not-so-distant call for me to move back there.
Meantime, I have my wonderful life here and I have lots to do before I go off on my travels. Chicory is the remedy to help let your loved ones go and I must not be needing this yet because I feel good about Jen going and I don't sit around waiting for Andrew to skype me. If anyone reading this has expectations from a loved one, you can read the blog I did when Andrew left in 2010, which talks about how great Chicory is to help you be happy for your kids as they fly out into the big old world and go after their own dreams.
My challenge, after this holiday, will be to keep Alison from missing her siblings. Jen is her gauge on fashion and behaviour and they spend a lot of time together doing all sorts of things which will be stopped this summer. No doubt I will blog on this challenge and I hope that my remedies will help us all to adapt to the changes ahead.
Lxxx

I have just heard that my meditation class has the green light for Monday and that there are going to be a dozen people there. How's that for the Universe giving me a sign? Leading meditation is something that I love but that also fills me with anxiety. My throat chakra is something that I continually work on as I have been a bit timid with my voice over the past many years. I think that the message I will take, from this class going ahead, is that it is time for me to be heard. Leading meditation takes a huge amount of trust-something I also have had issues with in my life. Often suspicious of others' motives in the past, I now try to take things at face value without inventing full-blown imaginary stories. It is actually astonishing how often I stop myself from inventing a background story and I increasingly confess to my husband that so-and-so didn't actally say that-I assumed it ! I think that he finds it quite amusing :-)

What else? Big news is that my son moved to Canada last Friday and my heart did indeed feel very 'cracked' after waving him goodbye at Glasgow airport. I managed to hold it together till we got into the car park and saw a little person flapping around in a baby harness and I realised that Andrew was that size when we brought him home from Canada almost 20 years ago. Many tears were shed on Friday and I took Star of Bethlehem (for the sadness) and Honeysuckle (for the regrets of time passing) and I was right as rain by Sunday. Seriously, for anyone who has to wave goodbye to a loved one (whether in life or death) those 2 remedies are wonderfully healing. I am now looking forward to spending lots of time chatting via skype with him. I jokingly (although with a definate large pinch of truth) told him that there was a bit of me looking forward to him being away so that we could chat more often :-)

A double whammy to my heart will come again when I have to kiss both him and his sister goodbye in Canada. The remedies will be needed and used.

I am off to London this weekend, to sit in on a Bach Level 2 course. I am soooo looking forward to it because Kate taught me my Level 2 and she was inspirational and I wanted to some day teach in the same way that she did. I spent loads of hours on the weekend trying to work out my plan of action. Train, Fly, Drive ? I finally decided on the flying option due to it working out as cheap to fly+rent a car as it was to get the sleeper (with a bunk) down. It means that I am having 2 nights down with my brother-in-law and his family, instead of my originally-booked 1 but that will be really nice. They are only a half hours drive from the course so it's all worked out perfectly although, over the weekend, I thought that I was never going to get sorted. The minute I decided on the sleeper option and went through all the booking procedure, I discovered that I was only getting a recliner seat at that price. So, moving on to the 'is flying as cheap?' option, I discovered it was but I exhausted several hours looking for a very early morning flight which would allow me to go down on Saturday morning.

To no avail except if I took a taxi from Heathrow-naah.

So next, on to my in-laws to see if they would increase my B&B to 2 nights ? Of course (they are very kind) and so I found a flight and car hire and then realised that I was just about to mail my only valid photo ID to get a new passport. Do you need photo ID for a domestic UK flight? You tell me ! Varying answers online so I am delaying sending my passport till next week and hope that they get a shift on to get it back to me for my hols.

I really need to get a photo driving licence and speaking of that, I can't find my paper licence and so how am I going to get that rental car?

On that note I shall close for now and go look for my driving licence. Bill assures me that it has to be............... 'somewhere'

Sending much love out into the world today and everyday,

Lxxx

Happy Friday (which began as last Thursday, this Monday, this wednesday-oops)
I know that it has been more than a few days since I posted but it seems like every day has been swallowed up with everyday life.
And everyday life is great.
I don't know how I used to fit in everything that I did when the kids were small. And I used to be up at the crack of dawn to get started. Maybe that was the secret? If you are up at 6am, you are bound to accomplish loads ? But I do remember falling asleep pretty much every night when I tucked them in, which I suppose was expected.
Tiredness has been a huge factor for me this past few days. I seem to be running on empty.
Of course, there is the remedy Olive (for tiredness) that I could have been using but I was trying to stick with Pine as a solo.
Why?
Why, when I know that tiredness is a cause of stress (and therefore illness) would I opt to resist taking it for so long ?
We'll, there is still a part of me that errs on the self-destructive side. It is much less than it used to be but it is still there.
Take, as an example, the fact that, the other night, I was still sitting up watching 'mindless' TV at 1am when I knew that I had to be up and functioning at 8am. Why would I do that ?
Pine, I believe, is the correct remedy for me to stick with. It encompasses feelings of unworthiness, of not being good enough and, of course, it is the remedy for feelings of guilt.
Whilst I know that I do deserve great things and also that I am worth as much as everyone else, I wonder whether my subconscious is still processing those thoughts into feelings.
Being brought up in my generation (I turned 50 this week) meant that I was never praised for doing a good job or told that what I did was great. If I was acknowledged at all, it was to remind me that it wasn't good to think highly of myself. Don't get me wrong, my mum and dad did love me but they didn't want me to be 'big-headed'
And so I sit typing this, not feeling surprised that I may be harbouring some deeply ingrained guilt feelings around feeling good about myself. If I managed to fulfil all my dreams and became really successful, what would that mean ?
I look back to my childhood and to the hiding of my abilities so that people wouldn't think that I thought I was better than them-a recurring theme throughout my life. I became the 'dummy' who made jokes about herself and about anything good that people saw in me. It was easier than risking them thinking that I was feeling good about myself which was WRONG and BAD or so I thought.
I have so many close friends who struggle with this same emotion. It doesn't always stem from the same source as mine but they battle, as I do, to feel that they are good people who are as important as everyone else.
As always, when I have a revelation about my need for a specific remedy, I look around me to find that most everyone else needs it too.
The Olive is in my bottle, now but I think that it is playing catch up. I dread to think how tired I would be if I wasn't taking it.
I have also put myself on Hornbeam because I tend to feel more tired when I wake up than when I went to bed. I am also procrastinating big-time and am hopeful that hornbeam will get me going on all the stuff I need to do.
However, as I type this I am fighting off the word ELM and I suspect that it may be the right remedy to add next. My back plays-up when I am overwhelmed. It took me many years and surgery to realise this fact. The interesting thing is that I still don't recognise that I am overwhelmed until my back-pain says hello.
Maybe you also have a physical pain which is an indicator of stress ?
Give it some thought in the coming days.
On that note, I must go. This blog has been in creation for days and I am determined to post it today :-)
Love to all,
Lxxxx
and I am still meditating and will write about that next time........soon.

Happy Sunday and in my little piece of home, the sun is STILL shining-yippee.
We have had an incredible last week of March with the temperature competing with out hottest days in July (if you look at our last few summers)
April is off to an equally sunny start, even if the thermometer readings are a few digits down.
I hav just lost th powr of my lttr that coms bfor f in the alphabet-oh, there it's back. That was very interesting, to try to phrase the thermometer readings differently from my intended 'degrees lower' when the E stopped working on my keypad.
One of those days. My kettle gave up the ghost last night and I had to boil my water in the microwave this morning until my very clever hubbie worked some magic.........
He changed the fuse in the plug :-)
Mmmm.......good job that I didn't stop off at the store on my way home from dropping Ali at her rehearsals. Debenhams have a sale on and I was going to nip in and get a new kettle-oops, that would have been premature.
It's the second time, in the last few days, that the kettle has complained about my handling of it. Alison says that it's my impatience and I guess that she's right. The kettle no sooner switches it's 'I'm boiling' light off and I am emptying it into my cup. The problem being, that I REALLY empty it and I think that the element goes in the huff because it's not even paused for breath but I'm refilling it and switching it back on.
I promise to pay more attention to my kettles needs because 'it has the power' -truly :-)
Sitting outside as I tap this out, it is definitely cooler than of late. Every time that the sun goes behind a cloud I want to rush in for a hoodie. Just like typical July weather in Edinburgh, really.
I wouldn't be surprised if there was a greater than average number of SAD sufferers in Scotland. That said, we had an incredibly 'bright' rather than 'grey' winter this year. Our weather is very much a standing joke to everyone and tourists are able to buy postcards to send home which refer to how bad it is.
Is bad weather bad for our emotional health ?
I think not but our emotional response to bad weather is.
Someone once said to me that
'There's no such thing as bad weather.........just inadequate clothing'
And I am inclined to agree with them but still have to remind myself that a 'rainy' day is just weather.
And that's the trick, I think, to maintaining our emotional health, with weather in mind or anything else that seems to 'cause' us to be upset. To remember that it's just 'a car', 'a job, 'a kettle', 'an argument', 'a football game', 'an illness', 'a missed bus'..............but we add a story to it and make it personal. We blame the event/thing/person for how we feel and it makes it easier to accept it but in the process we don't look at the 'button' that was pushed, that made us have an emotional reaction to the situation in the first place.
We all do it to a more or less degree. Happily, I do it far less than I used to
The 'old' me would have huffed and puffed about that kettle not working and would have taken no responsibility for it being my fault. Or perhaps I would have blamed bad luck or been really angry at myself for being stupid which would still have resulted in my being in a strop.
You'll be glad to know that none of the above took place this morning and, whilst I took responsibility for repeating an action which made the kettle malfunction, I did not thing of myself as stupid. I made a silly mistake..........again. The mistake was silly-not me :-)
Bill has told me that I need to take 'that remedy that stops you from repeating the same mistakes' and he may have a point :-) (Chestnut Bud is the remedy which helps us to learn from our repeated ‘trials’)
But, for now, I am using Pine as a solo.
My meditations seem to have flagged up my need to build up my self-worth and Pine is the remedy for those who never feel good enough.
Whilst I thought that I had dealt with this many times over, across my many years of Bach Flower remedy use, I find that I am amidst another layer of it.
It's origins are clear to me this time, though and that is why I feel the need to stick with Pine for a few days, to see if I can't shift the childhood inferiority complex which developed because I was not strong enough to stand up for myself, neither with my peers or with my parents. I also felt guilty if I was better than anyone else at something and so I got smaller and smaller to hide my talents.
Sure, I developed a false bravado, to over compensate but that became a pretty big noose around my neck over the years.
As an adult, I thought that I had dealt with the bullying behaviour that I experienced as a child and I did..........but I did so as an adult and not as a child.
Somehow, I have to look at the negative tapes that were written into my psyche, as a child and I have to rewrite them.
Meditation is one way of doing this. (I am doing 20 mins x 2 daily)
Affirmation is another (my current one is 'I am successful')
And of course I have my Reiki and my Bach remedies.
I use the Reiki each time I meditate, so that I am self-healing at the same time.
And I use my wonderful Bach box for whatever emotion needs balanced.

I was on a roll this morning with this but it’s now late and I want to post the bit I have done.
Who knows if I will come back to it or go off on a completely different tangent next time? Not me :-)

Much love to all for the coming week,
Lxxx

My Magnolia tree is on full bloom a whole month early and my daffodils were in bloom in Feb. Bonkers.
Perhaps we are going to end up with our Summer in Winter and vice versa 'cause I am pretty sure that we won't be blessed with the sunshine lasting from now to September...... or is that defeatist ?

It's Day 52 of my meditation programme and I am repeating week 5. Again, the main reason for doing so is that I haven't read the blurb for week 6, which is the final week of my book.
But, it won't be the final week of me meditating. I am going to commit to continue doing daily meditations and perhaps I will even manage to keep on with the twice daily that I am now used to.

WHY, you ask? Have my results been THAT good ?

Well, not if you saw me squirm my way through last evenings 15 minutes of meditation, they're not. I’m not sure what was going on but I definitely was not happy to be sitting quietly with my thoughts. Perhaps you thought that I’d be an expert by now......I did But it’s simply not what’s happened although I have progressed to doing 20-30 mins both morning and evening and usually fairly easily. But I am still apt to find my mind a wandering and having to remind myself to BREATHE.

That said, if you compared my level of normal everyday calmness to that of 7 weeks ago, there is a definite increase in that. There is also an increase in my ability to pay attention to what’s going on NOW. That includes paying better attention to what other people are saying rather than planning my 'good/helpful/thoughtful' response, whilst they are talking. Did I actually think that planning a response, without really listening to what was being said, was ever going to be as helpful/good or thoughtful as fully paying attention to the person talking?
Often, with my kids, I have nodded and 'uh hu'd' my way through their stories. On Sunday morning, on Alisons paper-round, I really paid attention to her and I was soooo aware of making the effort not to skip to a reply or drift off to planning my day. It was great. She’s always been brilliant at making sure that I hear what she needs me to. Even as a really little person she would see that I wasn’t paying attention and ask me what she had just said.........errr, Mmmm???

And I have realised that I don't always need to be heard, by way of giving an in depth reply to someones story. Sometimes it's ok to just listen and hear. Perhaps my need to be heard by others has diminished these past 7 weeks and maybe I am seeing that the only person that truly needs to hear from me is me.

And on that note let’s post this to save my getting distracted and finding that it’s Friday.

Much love to all,
Lxxx

Must go as Jen is waiting to get on this machine. Will try to blog a bit more frequently but it is what it is.

Much love for this coming week,

Lxxxxx

Have I been busy? Mmmmmm? Not any more than usual and so I have not got that excuse for not blogging.

I really did get much more done when I was getting up routinely at 06.30 for the first wee whiley on this programme. Why did I stop? I love my bed........still. All the promises made to me by older people, when I was younger, about the fact that you won't sleep so much when you're older.................How much older do I have to be? Perhaps I shouldn't grumble because from all accounts, it sucks when you can't stay asleep. I have not experienced it much but I do have recollections of tending lovingly to my houseplants in Toronto at 3am. I think that in those days it was because my shifts interfered with my sleep pattern. In Toronto, I did 2 weeks days and 2 weeks nights and my head never really got used to it. When I did a week of nights on and a week of nights off, when I first qualified as a staff nurse in 1983 (eek) it was different because I never had to work days. Switching between day shift and night shift is a killer. I bet if they did research, there would be many more mistakes done on the first Monday back on a day shift after 2 weeks nights. (Pattern was Mon, Tues on, Wed, Thurs off, Fri, Sat, Sun on, Mon, Tues off, Wed, Thurs on, Fri, Sat, Sun off-change from days to nights or vice versa-ugh!)

Not sure why I felt I needed to share that :-)

Meditation programme: Still keen and positive with this and am doing 20 mins x 2 daily. Adding to that 2 x inspirational readings (usually more) watching my thoughts and my actions (ie mindfulness) and visualisations x2 and it's all good.

This week I am repeating week 4 for the same reasons as I repeated week 2. I don't want to be stressed trying to force myself to 'keep up' with the programme and I know that I will benefit from repeating this week.

My stumbling block seems to be fitting in the visualisations. 1, I can usually manage but the evening one seems to continually be forgotten. Not sure what that means although my gut tells me that it's a refection on my difficulty in picturing everything wonderful for myself. I am getting better but it's a work in progress.

Wine drinking? Well, I seem to have stopped having any when Bill is at work which has basically almost halved the amount that I am drinking-yippee. I even astounded myself by not having any last night, when he was off. Usually, I would have got myself a glass to mask my tiredness and stay up longer with him but I decided that there was 'nout' to watch on the tv/video and I was too tired to watch a movie, so I went to bed at 10pm-stone cold sober.

Did I feel wonderfully refreshed this morning-nope.

Strange that but I am trying to put aside all expectations and just accept it as it is. Today I feel a bit sluggish and it's perhaps a reflection on the pizza I had at 8.30pm?

Am I also going to change my eating habits through this mindfulness of mine? Who knows, certainly not me but the fact that I have stocked up on salad and had 2 apples in the past week (haven't had an apple for months) is perhaps an indication of the way my thoughts are progressing.

And they are not forced thoughts. Buying the lettuce and rocket, peppers and mushrooms was something that I wanted to do at the weekend. So I did.

This morning I nipped up to Starbucks for my free latte and treated myself to a lemon poppyseed muffin which a friend informed me was the reson for the free coffees.....to encourage the muffin buyers :-) Perhaps he's right. Perhaps I felt guilty at getting something free but I was only aware of getting the muffin and coffee for less than the cost of the muffin. I usually don't treat myself because of that cost and so it was luverly.

What else?

Nothing more for today, me thinks. I love to type away but this past 15 months or so seems to have been all about reading rather than typing. Doing, after the reading and all about me. I was wondering whether the remedy Heather would be a good one for me to take just now. It's the remedy for when everything is about yourself. I am not fitting the 'criteria' exactly but it is a thought as it would help me to look outside of my own little world and also to perhaps be a better listener (which is always good for my clients)

Mmmmm.....I will ponder it some more and let you know,

Have a good one,

Lxxx

Well, I have made it to week 5 (although because I repeated week 2, I am on week 4 of the programme)
I know it's been a few days since I posted anything but that's not a reflection on how positive I am still feeling about it.
I seem to spend a fair amount of time sitting around in the car. Just now I am waiting to pick up my best pal. I had a big grin on my face and sang lots of lovely tunes on the way to pick her up. Another sign of my increasing happiness?
I did a consultation today, with a treasured client whom I hadn't "chatted" with yet, this year. I am so proud of all that she has accomplished in the time I have known her. She may be dissatisfied with her work-achievements (wrongly so) but I think that she finally feels that it's her personal/spiritual ones that she should be concerned with anyway. Building on her personal happiness will bring her more of it and I will be cheering her along as she builds.
Isn't it funny (but VERY normal) how we can find ourselves slipping back into old habits during times of stress. There is a comfort in these habits even if we know that they are not good for us. If only we could consistently trust that everything is as it should be and that we are exactly as we are instead of wishing things/we were different. I watched my intolerance, during one of my meditations and it really did pass. It was uncomfortable and I really did want to get up and running with a full blown story to justify being bugged but I didn't. And the feeling did pass. When we attach a story to an emotion or feel bad for having it at all, we will be left with that story or that feeling bad about it long after the emotion itself has passed on.
Let me give you an example:
If I have a big "explosion" at my kids, I have 2 options.
1. I accept that I have been very angry and lost it, apologise and move on.
2. I beat myself up for yelling at the kids.
The first option allows me to move forward but the second one leaves me with guilt/anger once the event is over and the initial anger is gone.
I am trying to live my life by option 1 these days. My past is littered with choosing option 2 and it has taken a long time and many Bach Flower Remedies to balance out all the retained negative emotions from events like the example above.
If you respond like I used to, it really is possible to re programme your response :-)
I tried to meditate as soon as I woke up yesterday morning and found that it didn't work very well. I think that I was just using it as an excuse to keep my eyes shut because I was very tired. Still, it was tried and will not be used again (hopefully)
Right-off to do morning meditation. Routine is not so routine now and I am proud that I can adapt it in a way that would have distressed me, not so long ago.
Simple little changes used to upset my sense of balance but I now seem able to relax into change-thank goodness :-)
Have a wonderful Tuesday,
Lxxx

On a totally different note, the house is still standing after Jens 18th on Friday (although the bathroom door needs replaced after Bill had to kick it in to release 2 tipsy teens. I never liked it) Jen enjoyed herself, mostly but was a wee bit stressed being sober and seeing what 40 teenagers get up to in your house, when under the influence. Bill, Ali and I camped out in the front room. We planned to watch a movie but we had an ongoing story outside the glass door which was too distracting. Andrew and Fraser were the upstairs police and encouraged those who wanted to be up there to make their way back down. The carpets are 'yuk' but they needed cleaned anyway so the house is getting a good old springclean. The kitchen laminate hasn't looked this clean since it was laid after I spent hours lovingly scrubbing section by section :-) Another silver lining is that Ali has decided that she never wants to have a house party-yippee.
Got to go, promised Jen that I would help with her paper round so she can get back to school for show rehearsals.
Hope your week is off to a fab start,
Lxx

I am curious as to why I do what I choose to do. I am curious as to how things will end up. I am curious about all the possibilities out there which I don't know about.

It's a really nice feeling to be curious-you should try it.

I have my wonderful friend, Lorraine Murray (author, teacher and therapist) to thank for introducing me to the concept of curious. She uses the word a lot in her teaching and also when she's leading meditation. She uses it to distract you from judgement of what you're doing/experiencing, to help you to just let it all unfold. I have pinched the word for my own teachings and meditations and embrace it fully in my daily life. Thanks Lorraine.

For those of you who are perhaps following me to see whether or not I actually manage to achieve moderation in my wine-drinking, you may be wondering why my remedies haven't magically "cured" me. I am curious about that one too but have no doubt that my Bach Flower remedies are helping me to peel away the layers of self-judgement and fear that surround my love of wine. Acceptance of myself, including my wine drinking, is much more important to me than the actual giving-up/cutting down of it and so my remedies are doing that for me, first and foremost, very successfully :-)

When you look around at some of the rock stars that have been around forever and think about the amount of alcohol and drugs they have consumed, it beggars belief that they can still be so fit and healthy. My theory about them is that they have never judged themselves for it and have never been fearful of any negative effects that it may have on them. And I think that it follows that, if I am completely happy with myself, drinking the odd bottle of wine because I love it, will do me no harm whatsoever.

And so it is back to Dr Bach keeping the remedies simple. Treat not the symptoms (wine drinking) but the personality. If you drink wine because you are angry or resentful or fearful or bored or depressed then it is those emotions that I would give you remedies for as well as Chestnut Bud which will help you to learn from your repeated mistakes (if you class your drinking wine as a repeated mistake)

I have taken lots of Chestnut Bud, over the last few months (although not this last month or so) and it has made differences in lots of areas of my life where I found myself in the same place yet again. My next mix (to be made up today) is going to have it in it again, to see what layer it peels away this time. I am also going to include Pine, which is for guilt because I have been revisiting things that I thought I had dealt with a very long time ago but which are obviously still lurking under the surface.

Guilt about not being in Scotland to notice my father get sick before it was too late to save him. Guilt that I didn't tell him he was dying and for choosing for him not to have radiotherapy. Guilt about my not being there to save the beautiful little girl I looked after in Toronto, who died whilst I was still over here, after my dad died.

So much guilt that is both irrational and unfair to myself but it has surfaced again so I will put Pine back into my bottle to let it go.

And on that note, I have to go. There's a big teen party in my home tonight and I have to bomb-proof everything !

Nah, just kidding.......about the bomb-proofing. I have ordered that it will be wonderful for them and it will. My carpets need cleaned anyway and there's not a lot that they can break :-)

Have a beautiful rest of your day,

Lxxx 

But, I suppose life is great and so I shouldn't worry that I get a bit behind on things. I sometimes wonder whether anyone reads the stuff I write in here anyway. I don't ever get comments and you would think that if anyone was reading these regularly, I would receive some kind of feedback. Or is it so bad that nobody wants me to feel bad ?

Don't worry, I am not feeling sorry for myself. Those thoughts just appeared in my head and I typed them.

I have decided to repeat week 2 of my meditation programme because I have still not read my instructions for week 3. The whole point of the programme is to learn to connect with my inner peace and to find my way so getting myself stressed whilst trying to 'catch up' with the programme seems like a silly thing to do. There are also some things on week 2 that I have been finding difficult to incorporate into my days so it makes perfect sense to repeat the week to see if it will flow more effortlessly.

Calmer? Yes definitely. Sleeping well-VERY. This getting up at 6.30 no longer feels like a holiday but it certainly is doing wonders for my sleep. I have even had 3 nights without a glass of wine which will also be helping with my quality of sleep.

It's the little changes that I am finding fascinating. Like yesterdays blog said. And Rome wasn't built in a day was it? Little changes are what make the eventual big change happen and I am paying attention to my thought processes more and more. I recognise negativity when it creeps in and I can quickly find a positive equaliser, even if it is simply my photo of Alison asleep in the laundry basket as a baby. That photo is pasted in my Daily Meditation book and is my instant source for smiles. I have also put a prayer in beside it which reads.

Lead me from Death to Life, from Falsehood to Truth. Lead me from Despair to Hope, from Fear to Trust. Lead me from Hate to Love, from War to Peace. Let Peace fill our Heart, Our World, Our Universe. Peace, Peace, Peace.

My little contribution to world peace is to find peace in my own heart. If we all were to access the power of the peace within ourselves, there would be no need for wars because we would have no fear and therefore no need to steal power from others.

On that note, I am going to finish. Today is a free day-the first in ages and I plan to do lots and lots and lots........

Lxxxx

For those of you who are reading this regularly and who know that I am doing this daily meditation routine in part, to change my relationship with alcohol, last nights words (posted a couple of minutes ago) make it sound like I am failing miserably.

Au contrere my friends. There is definitely a change in the way that I am thinking about my drinking alcohol and that is as big a step as I could have hoped for at this point. I am no longer beating myself up for having any and I have, on occassion just had the one glass-progress.

Having a few long Island Iced teas whilst out on a date with my husband seems like a perfectly acceptable thing to do-very enjoyable and more so because he was also having them (he rarely partakes-he'd rather have a tub of ice cream:-)

We stayed out chatting till the bar closed and then, of course, I had the munchies for some unhealthy food. Glasgow is just the place to find some at 1am and I chose (much to Bills disgust) a lovely little dish of chips, cheese and curry sauce. I mean, who would even think to put these things together ? Was it horrible ? Nope, I finished every last morcel-yum. It probably really helped to soak up the alcohol because I was fit as a fiddle when I got up to do my meditation at.....................9am. Long lie 'cause of the 2am bedtime.

Have done tonights meditation already as I am anticipating a very early night to catch up on my Zzzz. Plus I plan to get up sharp to do all my "routine" before my 9am client arrives.

I really do, at this point, recommend what I am doing. The smiles on my face are broader and more real, the giggles that bubble up are wonderful and there were at least a couple of "mascara-running" bouts of laughter, yesterday.

off to hang up the laundry-life still has its other routines, too.

Lxxxx

Lxx

Lxxx

My family laugh when I say that it's all because we think that we don't deserve to be the best. We get soooo close but when number 1 is up for grabs, we hesitate and don't want to make the opponent feel bad by beating them. I tell them that I am entitled to my opinion, laughable or not. I can identify with the fear of success and shining too brightly. I was bullied for it as a little person and it has taken my to middle age to almost shake off the need to hold back a bit from standing out.

This meditation is shining wee rays of light into bits of me that are still dark. I am hopefull that by its conclusion, I will be able to fully embrace my power and go for all the things that I ever dreamed off without the fear of people judging me or failing. There is no failure, only learning and the only person that is important, when it comes to judgement, is me. If it feels right for me then it is right for me.

Today was a 6.30 start again as Ali and I do her paper round together at 8ish. I managed to do meditation last night and this morning and all the boxes are ticked for the first week.

I now need to read week 2s chapter. I hope that it's not going to double the time of meditiation-eek. My feet get a bit numb as it is. I think I need to put a cushion under my bum :-)

No wine last night-did think about it as we were sitting watching a movie-it's a bit like Pavlovs response.

Movie = wine :-)

But I didn't and it really is much better to go to bed with a very clear head. That said, I'm off to watch another movie-with Jen this time.

Ok-now you see a pattern and it's perhaps all the movie-watching that has to change. If I keep myself busy doing work/reading/meditation I won't be able to drink wine 'cause I lose my focus.

Did I mention that I am reading the Bible? My friend gave me her copy of the chronilogical 365 day readings bible and I am up to date. It is very interesting and I plan to see the whole thing read by the end of 2012. It is my 'inspirational' reading of the evenings (as per med' programme)

Anyway, keep reading-there may be a whole side of me that you never knew existed at the end of this year :-)

Much love going out to all

Lxxxx

Anyway, this mornings lightbulb moment was that I function much better with routine. This meditation is a routine and it has got me out of my usual humdrum, sit-on-the-couch-for-at-least-a-half-hour-before-I-can-do-anything routine. That routine was one that was entrenched and I thought that I would never be able to break.

4 days in and it is gone-obviously it had to because it didn't fit in with my choice to meditate before the girls got up. If it had stayed, I would have had to get up at 6am to do the half hour "veg" routine before the half hour "med" routine and well, I am just not that keen to start my day that early..............yet. (Never say never :-)

It really is all about rewriting my own script, I think. Little adjustments in my life like the fact that I now put on handcream after I wash my hands are creeping in. You may think that handcream application is not something noteworthy but for someone who was lucky if she applied it at bedtime despite the fact that there is a tube at all the sinks (avons best, of course) it really is something of a huge development for me.

Mindfulness is helping me to pay attention to routines and resistences in a way that I haven't done before. It's like giving myself a running commentary on what I'm doing and that includes whilst i am typing right now. When there is a noise outside I am telling myself that there is a noise, identify it and them bring my attention back to this.

Who knows, perhaps that book of mine will finally get edited if the distractions disappear?

Well, got lots of bits and bobs to do for tonights stall at Leith Academy Community High School. It's a Diversity Day and I am not too sure of all that will be on display but feel good about the fact that I will be promoting not only myself but my very wonderful friend Lorraine. She has just been published and her book "Calm Kids" is full of helpful information on how to help children (from babies upwards) relax. Check it out on her website www.ilovefgt.com or on Amazon.

Have a fabulous day and remember to pause occasionally to pay attention.

Lxxx

Surprising thing is that I have not needed to put my head down for a 3pm nap nor have I been going to bed any earlier PLUS I don't feel more tired at all............Mmmmm.

Very strange but in a wonderful sort of way.

I have exceeded my plan of meditating only in the mornings for this first week. I am managing to do 10-20 mins in the evening as well. Last nights was interrupted a couple of times by Bill and Alison opening the door and boy did it jangle my nerves. I really had to watch my reactions closely and observe the thought processes going on. I was initially livid that they would deliberately interrupt my quiet time, which toned down to I was angry that they would forget that I was not to be disturbed, which calmed down to the realisation that they had opened and closed the door in the middle of my meditation. On discussion with them afterwards about the interruptions I was told that they had been very quiet and that I usually was able to meditate with them around me. I had to explain that I felt their quietness to be very loud because I had been in my meditation and also that I had never meditated with them around me before. What they perceived as me meditating was actually me doing Reiki self-healing and I can do that in the middle of a busy shopping mall.

So, communication is good and the family now know that when I disappear to meditate I will tell them to not disturb.

My meditation instructions told me that, if there was an interruption, you need to do an extra few minutes to recover from it. When I read that, I remember thinking "nah, it will be fine" but having experienced the jangling of my nerves from being pulled out of my quietness, I was glad to have remembered the solution to unjangling them. And it worked. I returned to my breath after each disturbance and within a few minutes I was again calm.

Thank goodness for following the rules of the book and not just jumping into this 'cause there may have been some murder or mayhem in the Denham household last night from my personalising my family not caring about me enough to leave me in peace.

And on that note, I better get going. Today is one of my "cleaning" days and I'm due "at work" in a half hour.

Have a wonderful peaceful day,

Lxxxx

I wrote this on Friday but never got around to posting it. It was important at the time, to write it and so I'm still going to post it. Lxx

I am writing this whilst feeling like I want to send out love and positive thoughts to all those who have touched me in my life.
I know that the majority of those who have changed the direction of my thoughts, if not my path in life, don't even read this but to me, at this moment, that is unimportant.
Most of those who I wish to thank the universe for sending me are women who I have felt inspired by. Some of them are no longer with us and perhaps I am feeling sentimental as I sit here or perhaps they are gathered close by and that is why I feel like I want to share the love that I am feeling from them.
Just because a loved one is no longer with us on this earthly plane, it does not stop them from helping us or prevent us from feeling their love.
I had a very dear client, who died almost 2 years ago and I still feel her love and support some days. I know that she is close when I smell the fragrance of the "aromastix" she gave me for Christmas 2009, not long before she passed. The stix have long since lost their aroma but I have never felt like dispersing with them, from my front room, where I work with clients. When I smell their fragrance, which should be impossible, I know my friend is close and lending me her support and love.
Perhaps you have something strange that happens to you regularly and you don't know why it happens?
Accept that it is a gift from this big wonderful universe of ours and like me, smile and say "Thank you" when it happens.
Have a lovely weekend,
Lxxx

The only blip on my weekend was the Scotland rugby score.
I managed to avoid the score and watched the game last night at 9pm, on my own, full of "oh no'"s.
My husband and I had a discussion, when he popped in for his break at 10.30. We have to agree to disagree as so often is the case.
He, being a "realist" and not a pessimist (his words) already has Scotland coming home this weekend, as I am sure that a huge part of the Scottish supporter also does (and perhaps some of the team themselves)
Me, the eternal optimist believes that the story is yet to be written. But, in my beliefs, I also believe that we create our own reality and that if enough people believe in a certain outcome, it will materialise.
So, come on people. Make the glass half full and it will make for a much happier week and possibly the miraculous results that we need.
I believe that Scottish people find it incredibly difficult to "shine" and it is seen time and time again in sport. We don't want the other guys to feel bad or have them think that we are "full of ourselves"
How many times do we JUST miss winning BIG.
I think that we are masters of self-sabotage (me included)
In this coming week, how about we all believe that the impossible is possible. Not just "hoping" but "believing" that the best will happen.
Today is a very good day but this day will pass. I believe that tomorrow will also be a very good day-join me.
Much love to all for this coming week,
Lxx

Okay-for those of you paying attention to the date, you’ll know that this is actually the 3rd Wednesday in August. The blurb above was written last week and never posted because I was overcome by a sudden sense of blah and of feeling lost.
Have you ever had that? It was like all the sunshine was sucked out of me (has anyone seen any Dementors around?-Harry Potter for any “muggles” who may not be in the know) I kept trying to rationalise it away but it felt really deep-rooted and somewhat necessary. It is still a little bit there, in the sense that I am aware of there being a part of me that is in crisis. I just can’t work out which part.
There’s a Bach Meeting on Monday and I will put myself (yet again) up for case study. I know that they are all going to jump in with “Mustard” which is for the exact feeling that I’ve described but intuitively I decided against taking it. Was that because I felt that there was something to be learned from feeling that way-who knows.

My baby turned 13 yesterday and she has grown up, all of a sudden. As I watched the tiny little primary 1 kids going to school this morning for their first taste of school, I found it incredulous that 14 years have passed since we took Andrew for his first day at Duddingston. Oops, I’m onto the whole time-thing again. Maybe it’s Honeysuckle that I’m needing? Although I’m not sure that I am having regrets, I certainly seem a bit preoccupied with the passage of time.

I should be able to write a whole bunch of things but all I can think about is all the things that I have to get done this evening-Impatiens?
Flippin’ heck, isn’t it funny how you can’t see the wood for the trees sometimes? Everything I write, I think I need the remedy for dealing with it. Even us Bach Practitioners, who are great at helping others to choose remedies, need someone to help us, sometimes. Roll on Monday

Despite my apparent mental-disorganisation I have got lots of stuff coming up this Autumn-mainly to do with Bach teaching. I have several courses organised to teach and I have one for myself to go off on. The latter is the training to teach Level 2 Bach and I am very excited and ready for the challenge as it is my hope that I shall be able to transfer to Canada with all my Bach teaching/consulting, when the time is right.

Of course, the book and screenplay will be ongoing, especially if I begin to waken at 6.30 instead of 7.15 on a school day.

This is a really short, really empty blog but my head is swimming and I can’t concentrate-eek, White Chestnut/Scleranthus....................

Next week will be better. My fellow “Bachers” (or is that “Bachees” ???) will sort me out, if I haven’t managed to do so myself.

Much love to all-oh, I got my ears pierced again, yesterday. Maybe that’s what’s wrong-too close to my brain?

Lxxxx

Short and sweet this week but worth sharing as I believe that there are many of you out there who keep your troubling thoughts inside because you don't want to bother anyone with them. It may take a while but with the help of Agrimony, like me, you may just find peace of mind by sharing and thereby diminishing your fears.

Sending much love out to all,

Lxxx

What have I found out, with all the Agrimony consumption I've been doing?

I have found that I feel much happier than I did before I began taking it. It's a genuine, inside my chest, kind of happiness and I have discovered that it's okay to let people see me having negative emotions. They still seem to like me and my loved ones still love me. allowing myself to be angry, when I was feeling angry and impatient, when I was feeling impatient was definately different for me but it was okay. Nothing came crashing down on my world because I was honest and open with my negative emotions. The big bonus of allowing myself these emotions has been the wonderful flip-side of it. I giggle more and smile more and I feel much lighter than I previously did (and it's not because I've lost weight 'cause I seem to be static on that front.)

Agrimony has enabled me to put myself out to be looked at, judged, wondered about, ignored, disliked.........whatever. And I feel more comfortable about that than I ever have in my life. I haven't lost any friends yet and don't actually believe that I will lose any because my friends are pretty much on my wavelength anyway. They will probably have noticed a shift but I am hoping that they will feel empowered to find their own voices and follow me in accepting themselves as a whole. Hoping that they will discover for themselves that we all have a dark side full of negative emotions that are as important as out light side. Most of us have spent our lives trying to hide our darkness from others, if not from ourselves. We have been scared to show our anger or spite or jealousy because we felt that it would make us unacceptable to those around us.

On a personal note. I used to destroy a relationship once my dark side had been seen because I was unaccepting of it myself and thought that there was no going back once you had been nasty to someone. I didn't know how to forgive myself and so assumed that I would not be forgiven by others.

We are, however, our own most hard critic and we really have no idea what other people are thinking about our actions. We may think that we do and that can lead to a whole other bundle of negative feelings.

Using Agrimony has helped me to reach the place where I no longer am concerned by the thoughts about me, by another person. Those thought belong to that person and as long as I live my life in a way that feels right for me, living from my heart centre, I know that my world will be a happy place.

If I disturb anothers happiness whilst living my happy life, it will be a problem within them that they will have to solve.

Blaming anyone or anything for my unhappiness is a thing of the past. I can now see that all my feelings are mine and I take responsibility for them. I am no saint and never will be and I will have moments where I will put the blame out there but it will be brief and I will recognise it and I will then take it back, accept it and move on.

And on that note, I must close as I need to get changed for my Belly Dancing-eek.

I don't even have the comfort of having LJ being with me tonight. She's off to tap her feet to "I got Chills" whilst watching Grease.

Last week was interesting and I know that I will improve each week and hope that I will relax enough to connect my arms with my footwork and my shimmying.

shimmy shimmy shimmy and off I go............

Much love to you all for this coming week,Lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Life is great and it's not because of anything Big happening-it just is.

I'm invigilating at the High School exams and I really enjoy that because I know that I have calming energy for these kids, when I'm sitting in the same room as them. I always order that everything goes great and it does.

I'm doing lots of walking with both "the girls" and "my girls" and I am loving all the outdoor-time and the beautiful sunshine that seems to shine, just for us. This evening I saw 8 little ducks who were VERY new and they were just so fluffy and small and wonderful to watch. It's the second family I've seen down in our Figgate Park and it's a real treat to be so close to such nature.

My Bach Course is beginning to fill up, now that I'm actually believing that it'll go ahead. I got out my notes, this afternoon and began sorting the stuff for week 1 of 6. I'm quite excited about teaching as a community school night-class tutor. It somehow seems like another step forward to where I'm supposed to be going. The course will be fab and if any of you reading this are local and haven't done the Level 1 Bach, get signed up to it. Leith Academy is easy to find and I guarantee that your course fee will be well-spent on the 6 Tuesday evenings.

I have just signed up for Belly Dancing on Thursday evenings and hope that by the time I go on my hols, my waist circumference may have shrunk a tad. (Or at least my flab will have less jiggle when I wiggle)

I continue to be amazed at what I'm getting up to and yet again am thankful for this Agrimony trial that I'm still doing on myself. I'm not sure that a few weeks back that I would have put my midrift out there to be judged. There is still a little part of me that may be thinking "oops-what have you done" but, for the most part, I'm really looking forward to having a good giggle as I jiggle when I wiggle.

I've also put myself into situations where I have had to deal with things that previously I would have asked someone else to deal with because it was risking conflict. And I dealt with them pretty decently, in my opinion which is actually the only one that counts, when it's about me.

I'm also being very vocal about all things Bach, just now and I know that it is because of my lessening care about being judged by people. I no longer am so worried about people thinking that the remedies are nonsense which I would have translated into them thinking that I was full of nonsense.

Very interestingly, I just got this email quote from a dear friend and part of it is exactly what I am feeling:

"May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are
Exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the
Infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself
And others. May you use the gifts that you have received,
And pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be
Content with yourself just the way you are. Let this
Knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the
Freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for
Each and every one of us."

Coincidence that it came in at this time-I think not.

And, although I know that I've not written much tonight, this seems like the right place to stop. Copy and paste the quote onto an email and send it out into the world to share. Remember that you are wonderful and unique and that you can shine as brilliantly as everyone else. All those people you wish you were like, you are just as fabulous.

The more that I believe how wonderful and special I am, the more I see others around me beginning to believe that they are, also. I see them waking up to all that they are inside and I marvel at the strength they show in their progress towards embracing themselves.

I love my Life and I am determined to Live a Life I love.

Join me.

Sending much love out to all,

Lxxx

But, not to be defeated, in my quest for my legs to turn a golden shade of brown, I'm starting this blog on my phone and will email it to myself. Then I will do the copy and paste thing and voila-you should be reading it on the website later.
I know that I could simply log onto my website, through this piece of technology but I don't have the patience to wait for the browser to connect. Alison is the one who takes advantage of my phones ability to connect to the wider world-I only purchased it because it was free with my very reasonable £10/month contract. I do love that I can use its email function though, as it keeps me well-connected to Andrew, who's phone also has this handy addition. And of course, perhaps I will now post my blog more effectively, if I remember that I can do the same as today.

 
Firstly, I suppose that some of you may be curious about my experiment with Agrimony?

Well, my second bottle is empty and I have stopped writing down and posting my daily observations. There didn't seem to be a lot to share with you, to be honest.

However, there are little things, like 2 phonecalls in 4 days to my sister that are a bit unusual. Even though I could rationalise phoning her on Easter Sunday and this morning because I had a favour to ask, it felt different.

It seemed like it was more spontaneous, rather than thinking that I didn't quite want to do it. Not because I don't usually want to speak with my sis but I think that deep down I am concerned about bothering her-and anyone else that I have to phone, for that matter. I think that I avoid phoning people because it means putting myself into their awareness and that they may make a judgement about me, from the way that I put myself across.

It sounds like a very strange idea, as I type it but I am sure that there is an element of Agrimony which is gently working away, within me, to allow me to progress to living my life as it's meant to be and as who I'm meant to be.

Being unconcerned about how you come across to others and not worrying about how the other person may feel if you do what is right for you are both elements of positive Agrimony. And whilst I always encourage others to live their lives in this way, I suspect that I haven't been managing to fully embrace my own ideals.

In ways that I had not expected, Agrimony seems to be pointing out that it is okay for me to "shine" and if others disagree with my beliefs and reasons for letting my brightness increase, then I TRULY will not be bothered by it.
It's lovely to have people agree with you and confirm that your beliefs are worth believing but, in the scheme of things, the only person that has to feel good about your beliefs is you.
My beliefs are mine and believing in all the things that I believe in makes my life happy and wonderful.

I believe in angels and talk to them all the time.

I know that my mother and father are very close to me all the time but I only feel their presence intermittently.

I knew that I was a healer, many years before I admitted it to anyone because I was afraid of being judged as bonkers or for thinking that I was "worthy or important enough" to heal.

I say the Lords Prayer at least once a day although I don't now believe in formal Christianity.

I consider myself Christian-like in my desire to help people to live the lives that their soul wants them to.

I believe in my total commitment to my husband and children despite my belief that people shouldn't stay together because they "think" that they should.

I am a divorcee and was meant to have that experience, to share it with others.

I was the "guilty" party and I have since been able to help the "betrayed" to understand that it really wasn't about them. My first husband was kind and generous and didn't deserve to have his heart broken by me but there was nothing he could have done to stop me from taking the actions that I did. NOTHING because it really was "all about me" and nothing to do with faults in him.

And that's as far as I got this morning but in reading it this evening-wow. Agrimony is really helping me to put myself out there and risk your judgement of me.

It's late-life took over, yet again and so I'll close this blog with the promise of sharing more of who I am with you very soon. It feels right to do so because I think that lots of people feel alone and different from everyone else and they judge themselves very harshly.

My aim, as always, is to help people to feel connected and to help them to find their happiness inside themselves instead of from someone or something.

In closing, I send much love out to all who read these words but mostly to those who need to read them.

Lxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm still glugging the Agrimony and am genuinely surprised by how happy I'm feeling. Is it possible that I was guided to begin this experiment because the only remedy I need, to be happy, is Agrimony? That is the current feeling that I have about my strange notion to do this experiment. At first, I thought that I was being guided to write down my emotional journey through the whole 38 remedies and script them into some kind of book. Now I'm not so sure and, you know what, that's okay.

I'm trying to greet my life with as much acceptance and curiosity as I can, without getting my proverbial knickers-in-a-knot when something doesn't quite go according to what I thought was the plan. I'm learning that sometimes what you get is even better than the plan and I think that I can use my Bach experiment as an example.

I thought that I was being guided to use the Bach remedies one at a time, A-W and to write a book on the experience. But.........

..........What I think I'm actually getting is a hugely deeper insight into who I am as a person, by using Agrimony alone, instead of several remedies at once. Perhaps I'm only meant to use this one remedy and was given this information in a slightly roundabout way so that I would embrace it because of my love of writing?

Now, I'm not saying that I am definitely not going to move on to Aspen in the next wee while but I am open to the idea that I am perhaps simply meant to discover that I am an Agrimony "type" instead of the Mimulus that I thought I was. And, again, that feels okay. I don't feel any sense of "misdiagnosis" of my type and I am reminded that, when I first learned about Bach "types" I felt split between Agrimony and Water Violet. The Water Violet traits that I identified with, back then, were those of feeling unable to put myself forward into a crowd and of keeping how I felt to myself. As I learn more with Agrimony, I can see that my difficulty in putting myself forward came from an inability to risk being truly seen for who I was and not from my pride. Those days that I looked at no-one and probably seemed aloof were because I was too tired to pretend that I was a happy smiley person or to try to make others feel better. But in not doing that, (my usual act) people may have been able to see the real me, with my real feelings and I didn't want anyone to dislike or judge me or think that I wasn't coping.

How many of you, reading this just now, identify with what I have just written? At the moment, I am being shown all of these traits in myself because the time is right to see them. I am being shown how much I still need to learn about myself, through the remedies.

Although I profess to not care about what people say about me-do I?

Although I think that I tell people real things about me-do I?

Do I still tell "white lies" to avoid conflict?

I am attracting clients who need for me to share myself with them, without fear of judgement or being disliked by them.

Drop-in, last night, saw Agrimony go into everyones bottles because of the recognition of their dislike of conflict and their need to keep everyone else happy, despite it meaning doing things that denied what they wanted. Anything to keep the peace is a negative Agrimonys mantra, me thinks.

I shall continue to observe what's going on with me, over the coming days and will post it here and on Bachflowerconsultsonlines facebook page, when I can. There is a part of me that's delighted with my fairly recent ability to not force myself to do things that I've said I'll do and, as I type, I realise that I am now risking being judged by others by embracing this new way of being.

Life is great and I feel great-yippee.

Have a wonderful Easter, everyone,

Much love to all,

Lxx         Oh, if anyone is interested in learning Bach, please check out the Edinburgh Councils website and also Leith Academys to see if times suit. I suspect that the St Thomas' won't go ahead as the numbers are low but it would be great to have a group at Leith Academy in May. X

It's not going to be as simple as the cooking because I will not be taking each remedy on only one day. Please don't ask me how many days I'm going to take each remedy for, though becuase this is very much a work in progress without strict guidelines. I imagine that I will move on to the next remedy when it feels right to do so and I shall trust that I will know when that is.

I have written down a small daily account of how I've felt over this past 8 days and I'll copy and paste it below for you all to read. I think that I may post daily on my bachflowerconsultsonline.com facebook. Please feel free to nudge me, if I begin slacking. I will take other remedies if I get too unbearable to live with but so far I'm doing okay, with only slight increases in my impatience and a bit of a Holly requirement a couple of days ago. I've not re-read any of the days so please excuse what may be mispelled or gramatically just wrong :-)

Sending out much love to all-wish me luck, Lxx

Day 1 Agrimony. April 6th 2011 22.30

I have a little bit of apprehension about only using 1 remedy at a time as, for me, it’s a completely new way of doing things. My mixing bottle usually has it’s full 7 in it, including my staple Walnut for my “change” and protection and Impatiens for my impatience and hot flushes. If they increase dramatically, I may have to abandon ship on this experiment.
Agrimony is a remedy that I’ve used a lot through the years. More, initially than of late, though.
I used it when my alcohol intake increased last fall, to see if it allowed me to see if I was hiding my real feelings about Andrew being away for a year. I didn’t discover anything in that dept but I did share a bunch of stuff, on day 1, with a friend and my husband that I never would have told them normally.
Today, for the first time in a few days, I haven’t poured myself a glass of wine. Any link? Let’s see how the next few days go.

Day 2
My sleep was a bit disturbed with my out of control thermostat, but I don’t think it’s increased much. I don’t get irritated by it any more. I just observe and switch on some Reiki and go back to sleep.
It’s been interesting today. I have felt rather joyful and I had no sooner used this word to my husband when I read it as one of the positive aspects of being in a balanced Agrimony state. Dancing around my kitchen is not the norm for yours truly and I know that I am in a good place when I find myself doing it.
It’s not an effect I would have expected from Agrimony but I suppose if I’ve been keeping myself hidden from myself, that uses up a lot of energy that perhaps is now freed up to let me dance?
On a not-so-positive note, I have been a bit impatient, which doesn’t surprise me as I’ve been using Impatiens for months now to minimise it. I did apologise to Bill and Alison for my need to have things done yesterday and asked them to cut me a little bit of slack whilst I carry out this experiment. If things get too bad with any emotional imbalance, my plan is to take the necessary remedy till I’m fit to be lived with again. I don’t want to get to the end of however many months and discover that my family have left home.

Day 3
Have been thinking today, as I powered my way round 2 laps of the park, that I might like to twitter this whole exercise and will have to look into it. My sleep was pretty disturbed last night with the internal heat but I did have a few glasses of wine before I turned in. Wine always increases my hot flushes, so not sure if it was worse than the normal post-wine increase. It’s worth noting that if my hubbie hadn’t had a glass of wine waiting for me, when I sat down to watch the movie, I would probably just have had Soda. Interesting note-I did something for me rather than doing something to make someone elses life easier. Risked the conflict or the judgement for it.

Day 4
Today has been a good day filled with little bits and pieces. I have done some singing and dancing and have also embraced each hour as it’s arrived without doing too much to try to please others. Did what felt right for me-again risking judgement and criticism of others. Have had a bottle of wine-interesting because I thought that I may cut down more but it’s early days. A bit surprised that I am being as balanced and patient as I am-great. Did in a bottle of vino, before bed and stayed up far too late surfing the net and watching romantic movie-bits.

Day 5
Managed to get out of bed without any problem and surprisingly was patient with Ali during the paper round. Did she move much faster than normal because I was patient or did she just seem to? Got a bit narked in traffic this afternoon but caught myself at it and calmed myself down again without needing to reach for my rescue spray. All in all I’m surprised that I’m able to do that, seeing as how I’ve been using Impatiens for such a long time. There were a couple of things today, that I thought of that were different for me but I should have written them down, when they occurred. Maybe they’ll present themselves again. This evening I could have got really “ratty” with Bill for not giving me quick and clear answers but I chose to not bite my nose off to spite my face. That was the old me who would have gone in the huff because I was asking for help and nor feeling like I was being given it. I risked the conflict and went ahead with the decision myself.

Day 6
I’ve had a really good day, with a new Reiki client in Allans this morning (shame that she lives in Belfast) and a new Bach client this afternoon via skype. This is what I love to do and I have asked the bog old universe to attract to me, much more of what I love to do. Here’s hoping. I met a friend today who I recognised as needing Agrimony. She herself knows it and commented on my very real smile as opposed to her forced one. She knows where I am if she needs me. I did the shopping yesterday and risked Bill’s comments on my ability to do so. I’ve backed off from doing it over the last couple of years ‘cause he’s great at it and gets the bargains from various places. However, I am more than capable of doing the shopping and so what, if he comments on something extra that I choose to buy.
The house is quiet, despite the girls being off school. This evening was spent watching tv shows with Jen and Bill (Ali’s at rehearsals) and I’ve downed a couple of glasses of. That’s ok.

Day 7
Got up at a reasonable time to go for a power walk with Jen, twice around the figgate park. She and I have decided that we will do lots of walking together to tone up for the summer. It was a beautiful bright but cool breezy morning but we did 15min laps and enjoyed the sunshine. Spontaneously decided to take her to the Waterstones to look at books and for me to get a latte. Not something that I’d often do, partly because Ali may complain that she wanted to go. Is this me risking conflict rather than keeping the peace? Also spoke up about what I was doing and going to do-again, risking conflict. I did have to route around to find someones mix with Holly in, tho’ as I was mind-reading that Bill was upset with me for various things. Trying very much to believe that if someone is upset it’s their problem and not mine. Still drinking the wine but last night was tinged with my old need for it-that of not wanting to feel hurt and angry-thus the Holly. Imagining that someone is upset with me is not going to help anyone. Holly will hopefully help me to see things as they are, without suspicion.

Day 8
Refilled the Agrimony bottle and it still feels right to take it. Not sure what the general time for each remedy will be. Resisting taking any others because I want to get a sense of what’s going on within me, without the others. I can see that I am not so worried about what others are thinking about me. I’m not being Mrs Social, when I meet new people and I’m not trying to make other people feel better by putting my smiley happy face on. I am much quieter, I’m finding. I talk when I need to but I’m spending a lot of time around people, not feeling like I should talk. So I listen and I think and I am not scared that these new people will not think I’m wonderful and friendly. I’m not scared that they won’t include me because I actually don’t want to be included. How great is it to be able to look at myself and acknowledge that I have always worried about others feeling uncomfortable in silence and therefore I have filled that silence with friendly chatty banter. I always wanted others to like me and to want to be my friend. Now I realise how much I value my time and I don’t actually want to be invited to anything that I haven’t chosen by myself to do, just to prove to me that I’m liked.
No wine tonight as I was helping at Alis show and we didn’t get back till late. It’s been a very busy, very good day. Life is good.

Energy levels are something that we don't spend lots of time thinking about but maybe we should. If we are feeling tired, let's not accept it as normal, let's find some energy.

I'll not write any more than that because I wrote about Olive last time, but I have come to realise that tiredness can be trying to show us something.

 2 weeks ago, I had planned to write about Exam-stress and got side-tracked with other thoughts. Last week I had planned to again write about it and got sidetracked with life.

So here it is and this week brings us another week closer to the school/uni exams and one week closer to lots of young people feeling totally overwhelmed and anxious about what may or may not happen with the exams which may or may not affect their futures.

Nowadays it feels like there is such emphasis put on kids doing well academically that it must be hard for them to believe that everything will be okay, whether they pass or fail Maths.

Michael J Fox laughed as he quite rightly said "what's new about 2+2 = 4?" and then told us that there was nothing fun in the fact that 2+2 would always equal 4. It's been done already and so why would you want to learn it? 

I think that a good basic knowledge of Arithmetic and English is all that we can ask our kids to have, for them to have a good place to start when they go out into the world. With a bit of luck, most of that learning should be completed at primary school and the junior high-school years.

But, what I think is not what's happening and my girls are still going through a system where they are learning a whole bunch of stuff that they are not interested in, will never remember after their exams are done or be likely to tap into for the work that they will do in adult life.

I am not an education specialist and so my thoughts are unlikely to sway those who are deemed expert. All I can offer my kids is some emotional support to help them to have some enjoyment of their lives, during their high-school years (and beyond, if required)

The new curriculum for excellence looks like it may be trying to make school fit the kids better and my kids are lucky that their school is led by a great management team who are committed to trying to make the transition years, into CFO, as painless as possible for staff, pupils and parents alike. Other kids may not be so lucky and the goverment seriously needs to think carefully about it's education cutbacks because our children are the future of this country and they need to have the best educations we can provide for them.

Okay-sidetracked again. Exam stress and how Bach Remedies can help. If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone who's going through exam stress-please forward the link to this. Bach remedies are such an easy way to help someone cope with any pressures and are ideal to help with the stresses of studying for  and the sitting of exams.

Elm is a major player in the group of remedies that can help. It's help comes in the shape of helping you to not feel overwhelmed with everything that must be studied. It helps the mountain become climbable by helping you to prioritise and see that it doesn't all need done at once and some of it won't need done at all. When you feel overwhelmed, your confidence can dip and your decision making gets shaky. By taking Elm, you find that you begin to accomplish things step by step, increasing your confidence and decision making as you go. If you are someone who has found yourself in an exam room unable to do anything but stare at the questions, Elm may help you to prevent that feeling of being overwhelmed in the face of the actual exam.

Larch is the remedy for self-confidence and it is very helpful for students who doubt their ability to pass the exam. It helps them to realise that if they do their best, there is no real failure. It helps to change "I can't" into "I can" and to risk failure rather than not sitting the exam at all.

Aspen is the remedy for anxiety-those butterflies in your stomach before the exam because you just don't know how it is all going to go. You may also need Mimulus if you are scared of the exam situation or Rock Rose, if you feel terrified. But from experience, I have found that Aspen is incredibly helpful for exam panic. If you wake up from having nightmares, this remedy may be helpful for preventing that.

White Chestnut is another very important remedy as the worrying thoughts going round and round in your head may be preventing sleep causing you to be exhausted causing you to be more worried causing you.....you get the picture. This remedy helps to calm the mind by switching off the repeating thoughts and allows you to relax. If you have found that you are exhausted, Olive is the remedy which will help you to complete all that needs done without feeling exhausted at the end of the day.

Rock Water is the remedy for those who force themselves to study because they think that they should and they give up all kinds of things to make sure that they meet their own very high ideas of how to study. This remedy will help them to be gentler with themselves and to cut themselves some slack rather than losing themselves in their need for perfection.

Clematis is the remedy for the daydreamer who doesn't have the focus to study and it will help them to bring themselves into the present and to feel grounded. I use this remedy when I spend loads of time thinking about all that I'm going to do and then find that I don't actually do any of it. I just think about doing it.

Hornbeam is the remedy for procrastination and for feeling tired at the thought of doing something. It helps with boredom and humdrum and also deja-vu. This remedy puts the spark back in the mundane and helps you to get started on what you've been avoiding. Note that those who need Elm often avoid getting started because they don't know where to start. Hornbeam is used when you're tired at the thought of starting.

Wild Oat is the remedy for those who don't know which path to take and this is a late addition to my exam stress list. My son left school last year but identified needing this remedy a few months back and asked why I hadn't told him about it when he was at school. I had always used Clematis and White Chestnut with him but the elements of Wild Oat that he identified with were that he didn't have a clue what he wanted to do and so he found that he wasn't really interested in anything. Therfore he had no inclination to study for exams of things that didn't interest him. I suppose that this remedy would be much more beneficial for students who were trying to decide on their interests for courses in the first place.

Pine is the remedy for those who feel guilty and beat themselves up if they think that they are not studying enough. These kids are never good enough for themselves and always think that they could have done better. Pine helps them to lower their bar for themselves and to know that their best is good enough.

Gentian is a great remedy for encouragement, if there's been a setback or if you are someone who is feeling depressed about the whole exam/studying lark. It helps to give you faith that everything will work out and to keep going.

Walnut is the remedy which helps you adapt to changes in scheduling of exams but it also a protector. It will help you to deal with studying the way that you feel is right for you rather than allowing yourself to be persuaded to study in a way that you know doesn't suit you. This remedy will also help your energy to be protected from that of others during the actual exams-ie, you'll not be affected be fear, negativity of others.

So that's more than a dozen but there's plenty more which can help-so have a look. Don't struggle. You don't even need to see a practitioner as you can go buy the remedies which have instructions on them. However, if it's only exam-stress that gets to you and you're otherwise very balanced, a mixture made by a practitioner with several remedies may be the most cost effective way to go, in the short term.

If nothing else, get yourself some rescue remedy which will help with any feelings of fear, impatience, being unfocused, losing control and shocks to your system.

And on that note I'll close and send out lots of love to everyone who is approaching exam season and wish you all Good Luck.

Lxxxx

Sometimes even the practitioner misses the signs and perhaps if I'd been paying attention, I could have prevented my illness-even if it was the Brie. Dr Bach was a very big advocate of wellness being linked to emotional balance and I am totally onboard with that which is why I find that I don't really get sick. I have a pretty good handle on my emotional status most of the time and this one snuck by me because I was really tired. Was I taking Olive? (for exhaustion) Nope-I was taking naps instead. In my way of thinking I've learned at least one thing from my illness-so there is a silver lining. Next time I'm taking naps in the middle of the day I need to take Olive and have a look underneath the tiredness to see what my body is trying to tell me. No doubt I'll then find the emotion that's out of whack and be able to keep my immune system in top-form.

The Bach Remedies are very underused by the general population because people (like I just did) don't recognise that stress comes in many shapes and forms. Tiredness is usually the product of one of your other emotions being out of balance. But if you are someone who is constantly tired, taking Olive will help with that and will also help you to see the reason why you are so tired. Admittedly, having small children is always going to cause sleep deprivation and so you may think that there is nothing to be done. Taking Olive will help you to keep going and to have a better quality of sleep, when you do curl up for a wee while. It might also give you the space to see different ways in which you are using your energy in ways you could change. Perhaps you run around trying to be everything to everyone? Perhaps you feel guilty if you sit down for some quiet time, doing nothing. Perhaps you feel that everything needs to be neat as a pin or peole will think you are not coping?

I've been there and done that and was obviously not meant to have had the remedies in my life at that point. I believe that my knowledge and experiences with the remedies in the last 10 years are to help me pass on to others how much they can help in specific or everyday life situations. I think of myself as a control group and whilst I didn't have the remedies when my kids were tiny, I remember all the emotions that went on, at those times. I have now experienced pretty much all of the emotions that the 38 remedies are for and can translate that into how the remedies could have helped me in situations that I have lived through prior to my discovering them. One of those being parenthood-the early years.

So, if you're a young mum or a not so young mum, with young kids (you'll be even more tired) the Bach Flower Remedies can help you with everything you may be feeling. From resentment at your partner for his lack of understanding, through impatience when the kids won't get out the door when you are late, to the feeling like your head may explode because you can't pretend that everything is "fine" for much longer. I've been to the depths of despair and been terrified of hurting one of my kids because my emotions were so out of balance. The first couple of times round, I took antidepressants and there is definately a place for those drugs. The 3rd time round, I was lucky enough to discover the Bach Flower Remedies and I haven't looked at despair or losing control since.

Believe me when I say that these simple remedies can lift you up and help you to be happy. I'm not doing a sales pitch for consultations, I just want to reach as many people as possible to help them help themselves and the remedies are such an easy way to do that. You can get them in over 70 countries and there will be a place near you that will have them-you just never knew to look. And if you decide to try them and you can't locate them, then give me a shout and I'll be able to help-even if it means me mailing you some. Choose to be happy today. Don't wait till the kids sleep through the night. Don't wait till you get out of that job you hate. Don't wait till you find that perfect man. Choose to be happy today. I do, every day and even when I was sick, I wasn't feeling resentful or sorry for myself. I used Crab Apple (for cleansing) Star of Bethlehem (for shock to my system) and that much needed Olive, for tiredness.

And what have I found? Well, I'm procrastinating on an awful lot of things and so I've put Hornbeam into my new mix. It will help me to feel less heavy headed in the morning and will hopefully kick start my motivation for both my writing and my teaching. The fact that I edited a bit of my book a couple of days ago and that I have written this in the morning are good signs of what will hopefully come.

And on that note I'm off to change the title of this blog. It was supposed to be about the upcoming exams and the stress for everyone that goes with this time of the year. Maybe that will be next week?

Have a wonderful week,

Much love to all, Lxx

Those of you who know me know that I don't watch the news because I don't like the way it makes me feel. I prefer happy thoughts to worrying ones, when I curl up in my bed at night and for me to sit with the tv on, whilst on my own, is a rare occurrence. The last time I spent this much time with the tv on was 9/11

Does this mean that I'm a "disaster junkie"?

For me it's more about bringing my own stuff into perspective whilst sending love, prayers and reiki to those who are in need. What else could I do, other than keep a candle lit to remind me to think outside myself and to send positive thoughts to all those who are dealing with the continuing problems in Japan.

Flicking through the news channels, of which there are many, I have found it almost unbelievable that there are so may "uprisings" going on. People standing up, all over the world, for what they believe in and many of them paying for it with their lives. I don't think that violence is the way forward for the world and would like all of those engaged in physical conflict to turn their eyes to Japan and see the way that those people are dealing with this devestating natural disaster. Nature, in the blink of an eye, wiped out tens of thousands of people. It did so without emotion, without discussion and without regret.

There was absolutely nothing could be done to prevent it's death-toll.

Surely there must be something that the people of the world can do to stop all the unnecessary, avoidable, terrible deaths from violent conflict? A way that the world can live in peace? Is nature repeatedly bringing our attention to all that it is capable of, to try to help us to see how precious each and every life that is lost is?

I spend lots of time "pondering"-I do love that word.

I ponder vague and wonderful notions and ideas that have been brought to my attention and I wonder at their validity and my own sanity. Some might say that the beliefs I now have are a bit bonkers and how can I possibly believe them. Once upon a time, I would have kept them hidden for fear of being judged and ridiculed for them.

But I choose to believe what I believe because it makes sense and feels right for me. I will share my beliefs with those who are interested but I want everyone to find their own way to happiness and that is different for all of us. My beliefs make my life happier and I would encourage everyone to look at the way they are living their lives and see if there are ways that they could make themseves happier.

Despite my illness this past week, I never once felt sorry for myself. I smiled inwardly in spite of the need to curl up in a ball and sleep and I asked constantly for help and support from the big old universe, to make me well. Only once did I feel a rise in panic, where I feared that I would lose control of my convictions that all would be well and in that instant, I prayed that I could relax and trust that my illness was indeed for a reason.

On a lighter note-it was probably telling me to cut back on Monday night wine and not eat Brie cheese at 10pm, especially if it's off.

A drastic way to detox or kick-start a weight-loss programme but now that it's pretty much done, I'm hopeful that I will use the quick-start to continue with a bit healthier attention to myself. My coffee intake is at 1 cup per day, wine and junk food at 0. Why would I seek to increase it again-except that I'm a bit fed-up of green Tea.

Today I am feeling almost normal and I plan to go out for a little walk this afternoon. I haven't been outdoors for more than a week. Spring is springing and I look forward to seeing what I have missed. The gardens and trees change so quickly at this time of year. I love spring. I love every thing about it-except the pollen. But as I've get older, even that has become less of a problem and the flowers seem worth the mild hayfever.

I just booked Andrews flight back to Toronto. He heads back in 2 weeks and is excited to go back there. He loved his stay, last summer and I am glad that he's loking forward to working hard and playing more rugby there.

I can't believe that it's been 9 months since I gave him a hug and I am sssssssssooooooooooo looking forward to being crushed by his bound-to-be-bigger frame, when I get my first hug from him in June. All those slaps, for his cheek via skype, will be forgotten no doubt, when I see him.

And with that happy thought in my mind, I'll close for this week.

Thought for today? If I can maintain happiness through the "ick" I've experienced this week, I have to believe that there is a way for us all to find/maintain happiness, despite what's going on with us. It won't always be easy but I believe that it is possible. And that belief makes my life happier.

Sending much love out to all and ask that you send a positive thought in the direction of someone who needs it, as often as you can this week. I find that having a candle lit reminds me to do so, every time I notice the candle. You might want to try it.

Lxxxx

Bach Level 1 is a certified course, allowing you to progress onto level 2 should you desire to do so. It is a wonderful course which gives you a basic understanding of all 38 Bach Flower Remedies and of their discoverer, Dr Edward Bach. This course can be run in lots of different formats, as long as the total teaching time is 12 hrs. I have done 4 x 3hr mornings, 6 x 2hr mornings/evenings and 2 x 7hr (including lunch/breaks) days. The possibilities are there for other variations and I am always open to discussing what suits your needs.
Personally, I love teaching over a few weeks because the groups evolve into a little community, as they use the remedies and share their feelings with each other. The atmosphere is supportive and fun and at the end of the course, you’ll know yourself much better and feel positive about the future.
I hold most courses in my “therapy” room as it has a lovely feel to it and seems to help students to feel relaxed and secure.
Numbers are limited to 6, unless it’s a different venue. So, if you have a group of friends who’d all like to learn together, I’m happy to consider venues and travelling-anything to spread the word.
I have hopes of going outside Edinburgh to teach Bach, as there’s not a lot of us teachers out there but those of you who know me know that I have great ideas but am not so good at the business side of things. Anyone who’d like to volunteer as my manager will be considered-tee hee.
Oh and finally, with regards to Bach, I will teach 1-1 or 2-1 and I have just done some teaching 1-1 via skype, which was fantastic. So, if you’re isolated in the middle of nowhere, with no transport or babysitter-don’t be stuck. We can organise something for everyone.

Reiki teaching is not something that I have done a huge amount of but it is something that I have loved doing. So far, I have only taught Reiki 1 but I am preparing to teach my first level 2.
I learned Reiki from a now, very dear friend, who advised me that it would help me with my emotional wellbeing. More than 4 years down the line, I continue to be surprised by the accuracy of that advice.
Reiki is with you for life and, if you allow yourself, it will help you to live your life as the person you were meant to be. It has a wisdom all of its own which helps you to connect with who you really are and to follow your souls path.
I teach Reiki from my home, also. I limit my class to 2 students and so you can come along and learn with a friend. Again, you suggest some dates to me and we can organise a course. If you don’t have someone who wants to keep you company, I’ll try my best to find a partner who you will feel comfortable learning Reiki with.
The courses are usually 6hrs of teaching/practice with an additional follow-up 2 hr session, 3 weeks later. I have taught over a full day and over 2 x 3hr mornings. This could be done over 2 or 3 evenings/mornings or longer. Unfortunately, I cannot teach all of the course long-distance but I could teach the theory via skype, if travelling was an issue.

Meditation and relaxation has been hugely popular and loved. It’s something that I was initially a bit unsure of offering but has been as beneficial to me as to those who have come along. It has helped me find a voice that was so very quiet before and I love the discovery, each session, as to where my voice will take us.
I have only done evening groups but would be very happy to run a daytime group. In fact, the idea of running a morning session for young mums has been in the front of my mind and I may approach some local venues to see if a bigger space is available for this purpose. I think that a session which includes meditation/relaxation and Bach Flower Remedy advice would be the very ticket for busy young mums.
So, yet again, if you have group of friends/colleagues who would be interested in having a bit of quiet time each week, please do get in touch and we’ll see if we can’t get something organised.

Now that the course stuff is out of the way-apart from to say that I am still planning to run a “self-discovery” group, using “The Invitation” poem/book-I’ll let you know a bit of what’s going on with me.
You’ll be needing a second cuppa, she says as she decides to go get herself another one.
This year has kind of disappeared so far, without my realising it. I find it hard to comprehend that it’s March and that I am, only now, putting out this news.
I haven’t done completely nothing, though.
I have organised with Edinburgh City Council that I will teach an introductory course on Bach Flower remedies at St Thomas of Aquins High school. It will be 7-9pm on Thursday evenings, for 5 weeks from April 28th. It isn’t certified but anyone who comes along will only have to complete a 2-3 hr session, with me, to validate the course and allow them to progress to level 2. So, if any of you know anyone who may fancy a wee night-school course, please spread the news. www.edinburgh.gov.uk/adultcourses
I am in the process of hopefully organising to go into our High School to chat with the teachers and staff about Bach Flower Remedies and to perhaps do a course for them for CPD purposes. My hope is that I will go in every couple of weeks to make up remedies for those who’d like them-just like I continue to do for the nurses at Sick Kids.
I’ve mentioned my teaching on Skype-I didn’t say that it was with a wonderful lady in Bangalore, who had already done the distance Level 1, with the Bach Centre but who wanted to chat around all the course content, especially the remedies themselves. I have had an enquiry from one of her friends, who I consult with in New York, about teaching her via Skype.
Technology really is spreading the word about Bach and my children are being brilliant, setting up and running a Facebook page for me. This came about from having someone book a consultation after reading about me on a friends Facebook page. Please make my 12 year old daughter very happy and go check out and like my Bachflowerconsultsonline page. She is thrilled every time our number of likes goes up or when someone makes a nice comment. Thanks in advance. Also, I post a blog on my website www.bachflowerconsultsonline.com on a Wednesday (unless I get side-tracked) Usually I try to incorporate a bit of Bach teaching in it and you may find something interesting there.
I continue to go into Allans chemist, in Portobello, on Tuesday mornings but have been hopeless at self-promotion down there. For those of you who are local, Allans stocks the whole range of Bach Flower Remedies as well as having many Complementary Therapists offering treatments from there. Accupuncture, Massage, Hypnotherapy, Chiropody and physiotherapy are amongst the treatments offered and of course, I offer Reiki and Bach. Please spread the word as it’s a lovely place to have a treatment.
On a more personal note, Andrew is still in Canada and I am, as always, thankful for the help of the remedies to help me to enjoy my life, despite him being away. We speak, via Skype, most days and have had some wonderfully long and philosophical conversations over the past 8 months. The plan is that we will meet up with him in July, in Florida and that he will return home with us. For those of you interested in a vacation villa in Florida check out www.disneyorlandogolfvilla.com and quote my website to get 10% discount.
I’ll be invigilating for the High School exams again, from April and I love being there to support the kids. I’m much more relaxed than when I first did the job. Initially I was terrified I’d do something wrong and cost the kids their marks but now I simply send Reiki to it all and cosmically order that all will be well. I am still convinced that I am supposed to be working with Teens and perhaps by my next newsletter there will be some action on that front.
My book on Mother and Daughter relationships remains unedited and needing to be reopened and completed. I still have a wonderful feeling around the content and Bill is still nudging me gently to complete the project. Any ideas on “how” will be gratefully received.
Well, I think that’s about it, for now, although I could type on and on and on.
I will try to update the website as soon as course dates become a reality-you may help that happen.
Sending much love out to all of you and hope that this finds you in a good place in your life. If not, have a look at the Bach Flower Remedies and let me know how I can help.
Lxxxxx

Linsey Denham
Registered Bach Flower Remedy Practitioner and Level 1 Trainer
Reiki Master Practitioner/Teacher
www.bachflowerconsultsonline.com

Before I ever knew about the Bach Flower Remedies, I gave birth to this beautiful baby boy who has, in what seems like the blink of an eye, morphed into a wonderful young man. He has surpassed any expectations that I may have had for him, as an individual and he continually surprises me with his sensitive, inner strength of knowing who he is. Finding what he wants to do with his life has unfortunately not been so easy but I have no great worries about that, as I know that he will find his way to where he belongs.

Those who know me well, know that I have always credited Andrew with changing the path I was travelling. In his choosing me to be his mother, he took me from a life of self-centredness to one of self-examination and I have to say that, at times, it was not an easy transition. From the moment he was put in my arms I had to look inwards to process emotions that were alien to me because I had always protected myself from loving anyone too much-just in case they hurt me. With my love for my son, there was no "off-switch" and therefore absolutely zilch protection from hurt.

Now you may be thinking "why would she need protection from hurt from her baby?"

My fear was that I had no coping mechanisms if anything were to happen to him. I loved him unconditionally, with my whole heart and for the first time, I trusted that there was a male figure in my life who loved me in that exact same way. No strings, no games-just love.

Some people are lucky and allow themselves to love and be loved, with wide open hearts. I wasn't one of them. But, with the help of my (long suffering) wonderful husband and the 3 children we together brought into this world (plus the little one we didn't get to meet) I am now able to love with an ever-increasingly open heart.

Risking that it will be stomped upon is worth it, for the joy that I am able to now feel. And knowing that it will heal and remain open, after any such stomping, is a fact that I am sure of.

Everyone has to find their own path to happiness and mine has been a long, winding, continuous one...............

..that of motherhood.

Relationships with sons and daughters are different, for although the love is as strong and as deep for all your children, there is a seperate study sheet for boys and girls. Perhaps fathers and daughters have a similar bond to mothers and sons, again, based on that unconditional love between the sexes being in play. I need to chat to Bill about it.

Of course, this is just my experience and has come from being the kind of person that I was pre-children. There is so much more that I could say but I perhaps need to write some notes down, elsewhere, around my feelings about the mother and son bond. Perhaps that "Mother and Daughter" book of mine needs to be on motherhood in general. Maybe I can do back-to-middle on Mothers and Sons and front-to-middle on Mothers and Daughters?

For now, I'll just say to any parents out there, try to enjoy the job. It's yours for life and I do believe that having fun with it is possible. During the difficult bits, try to be kind with yourself and know that you're doing your best. Love them and when they're grown, let them go. Appreciate any and all time that they spend with you and if, at any time, you're struggling with any aspect of parenthood, look to the Bach Flower Remedies and allow them to help you to bring balance and joy back into your life.

If I have been able to remain happy, despite my son leaving home (something that I would never have dreamed was possible, when he was born) I believe that the Bach remedies can help anyone to do the same.

Sending much love out to all-especially that beautiful boy of mine,

Lxxxx (MX)